Ace
by finsbaby
Summary: We all know how Olivia got the nickname Liv. She returns the favor, that and so much more.
1. A harmless game called football

"Olivia go long!" Upon hearing Casey's command, Olivia charged down field. In a few more seconds, the touchdown would be theirs. "Come on Come on..."

"GOTCHA!"

"Elliot!"

Were all Fin and Casey heard as they watched the duo hit the dirt. "Oh _ow_!" Olivia complained, struggling to sit up.

"Gotcha Liv! Another point for the destroyers!" Elliot jeered, ignoring the fact he was indeed cutting off his partner's air supply. Rolling her eyes at her opponent's enthusiasm, Olivia once again attempted to sit up. "Admit it Livia. I took you **down**." Elliot crooned, pinning her underneath his massive frame.

"**Let me up**." Olivia growled, making eye contact. It was bad enough her partner caught her off guard, but the fact that he was rubbing it in irked her badly. She didn't mind losing, unless it was to him.

"Not until you admit it _Livvie_." Elliot persisted, turning it into making fun of her name.

"I thought we agreed on _no_ tackling," She tried instead. "El you're breaking the rules." A micheivious, flirtatious grin spread across Elliot's face.

"Maybe I _wanted_ to tackle you." he said, moving his face closer to hers.

"And maybe...I wanted to do this!" Gently nudging him in the stomach, she managed to push him off and race towards the make shift goal line.

"WHOO! TOUCHDOWN!" Casey cheered, running up to give Olivia a high five.

"No fair," Elliot whined, rubbing his stomach. "She hit me!" Fin laughed.

"That's your fault man. You should've took her out when you had the chance."

"Exactly." Olivia concurred, sticking out her tounge. _That'll teach him to call me Livvie. _

"All right our turn," Fin said, racing down field. Elliot followed.

"Ok quick plan," Casey said, the lawyer coming out of her. "You take Fin-"

"No I'll take Elliot." Olivia cut in, fire in her eyes.

"Um ok..." Casey said, taking her position to the left.

"Ready...HUT!" Catching the ball from Fin, Elliot charged towards the goal line. "This was easier than I thought," he said to himself. Suddenly, the ground rose up to meet him. "Hey what the-" he started, trying to turn over and see just what was sitting on his back. A forceful elbow kept him right in place: viewing the grass.

"_Damn_ man you never saw her coming!" Fin exclaimed in awe.

"HA!" Olivia laughed, milking it for all it was worth.

"her'd he all o." Elliot mumbled incoherently.

"I'm sorry what was that?" Olivia asked, finally allowing him to turn over.

"I said," Elliot repeated himself, "Where'd the ball go?" Casey scanned the field.

"Uh-oh. we'd better search for it." she recommended.

"Aw man! Can't we just call in CSU?" Fin complained. rolling her eyes, Casey

dragged him away. Olivia giggled.

"What?" Elliot asked warily.

"You have grass in your hair." Olivia answered, dusting him off but still sitting on top of him. Elliot took this oppurtunity to caress her hands.

"You know Benson...I never pegged you as the tackling type. I didn't know you had it in you." he teased, holding eye contact. Olivia shifted, so that she was sitting over a very personal place.

"There's alot you don't know about me Stabler." She responded, putting her lips mere inches away from his. The ringing of a cell phone shattered the peaceful silence of a Monday morning. "Benson," Olivia answered, all business.

"WHERE THE_ FUCK _ARE YOU GUYS? CRAGEN'S THROWING A FIT!" Munch's voice boomed in reply.

"I know that voice from anywhere. Tell his bony ass we're comin'." Fin said, emerging from the woods with Casey in tow.

"On our way." Olivia told him, and hung up. Eyeing her partner for a little while longer, she decided to let him up.

"What about the game?" He asked after seeming to calm himself down. A grin spread over Casey's face.

"Don't worry it _will_ be finished." She said, pulling out her car keys. The four headed to the car.

"Why do you hate the name Livvie?" Elliot asked out of boredom.

"Why have so many nicknames? You already call me Liv." Olivia said, slowing her pace to match his. Elliot's face crumpled in thought.

"Because. I wanted to give you my own nickname." he said finally.

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks to face him. "Elliot...**you're **the one who gave me the nickname Liv." she said, failing to hide the trace of pain in her voice. She knew he didn't really _notice_ her, but the nickname Liv was something she cherished. The thought that he didn't remeber giving her something she considered so important was a little heart breaking.

"Relax I'm just kidding. Geez don't have a heart attack." Elliot said, stopping beside her. Despite herself, Olivia let loose a sigh of relief. Jokingly, Elliot hugged her. "Aww! Little Livvie got worried that I didn't care!" he said in a whiny voice. Groaning, Olivia tried to push him off.

"Come on El stop. Casey's honking the horn and you know she won't hesitate to leave us in the middle of New York." she protested. Sliding his arms down her back, Elliot pulled her into a warmer, more form fitting hug.

"I'd never forget giving you your nickname. You're mine Liv. And I refuse to share you," he whispered, giving her a quick kiss on her temple. HONK HOOONNKK!

"Come on before we leave your asses!" Fin shouted. Smiling weakly, Olivia jogged to the car. Without even looking back, she knew Elliot was following.


	2. desk duty and Floetry

"How's ass duty?" Munch teased, walking into the squardroom with a smile plastered on his face. Olivia groaned while Elliot and Fin shot their smug co-worker a dirty look. Two weeks of desk duty so far and no sign of Cragen letting up. Casey was MIA ever since they started their cruel and unusual punishment.

"Munch I need you to finish up the Gates case pronto." Cragen ordered, poking his head out of his office.

"You got it boss." Munch saluted, and returned to his desk. Nodding and ignoring the remaining detectives, Cragen retreated to his office.

"This is getting out of hand." Fin grumbled. "I've done far worse and never have I _ever_ been on desk duty this long."

"Me neither." Elliot agreed with a yawn. Naturally, his gaze shifted to Olivia, who was uncharacteristically silent. "You ok?" he asked her quietly.

_You're mine Liv. And I refuse to share you..._Did he really mean what he said? Was she truly his? No. It couldn't be true. Because Olivia Benson belonged to no one. Or did she?

"Olivia?" Elliot called her again, this time a little louder. Olivia blinked. Once. Twice. It wasn't a dream. She was a awake, in the 16th precinct sitting across from her friend, her partner, Elliot Stabler. The man who considered her his.

"I'm taking a walk." She mumbled hastily, grabbing her coat. Elliot stood to join her. "Alone Elliot." she said testily. Without another word, she was gone.

Central park. One of the beatiful places of New York. During the day it was a lovely place to relax, during the night it was a breeding ground for criminals. Odds were that later on tonight someone would fall victim to a mugging, murder, or rape.

"Come here often?" A voice asked.

Olivia jumped, then welcomed the interruption of her suddenly dangerous thoughts. "Hey Melinda. Tired of cutting open dead bodies?" she joked.

Melinda laughed. "Well if you put it that way, yes. Actually it's my lunch hour. I thought I'd like to get a little bit of writing done." she explained, accepting the seat Olivia offered her.

"You write?" An astounded Olivia asked, wondering how she could have possibly missed this information when they worked side by side for years. Melinda nodded. "Yeah. My daughter got me into it. She told me about Floetry-"

"The singer?" Olivia asked.

Melinda chuckled. "I thought so too, but no. Floetry is a term for poetry. It's a mixture of the words 'flow' and 'poetry'. Floetry. What sets it apart from poetry is the manner in which it is written. Poems require thought. Floetry is having the pen in your hand and letting your heart do the talking. Before you know it, you could have a three page poem easy." Handing a notebook and pen to Olivia, Melinda waited expectantly.

"Oh you _can't_ be serious." Olivia admonished. Melinda shrugged.

"Get started Benson. I know you're not out here for your health. Channel some of that troubled energy into a work of art. You never know until you try." She stood to leave. Olivia remained contemplative. "Oh and Olivia?" Melinda called over her shoulder.

"Yeah?" Olivia asked.

Melinda turned and smiled. "The next time you decide to play football, give me a call." Olivia promised she would.

Forty-five minutes. She'd been gone for forty-five minutes. Returning, she flashed him a small smile. He had to know what caused her semi-breakdown, what cause her to leave the squad, leave _him_ in such a chaotic manner. Wary of Cragen, he pulled out a piece of paper.

**You ok?**

**Yeah. I just needed some air.**

**You sure?**

**YES. God you are such a father.**

**Proud of it. Dinner Later?**

**Can't. Plans. Ran into Melinda at Central Park. She wants in next football game.**

**Done. You'll still lose **_**Livvy.**_ **Big date tonight?**

**My my wouldn't you like to know.**

**Seriously what are you doing tonight?**

**Plans Elliot.**

**Yeah I got that Olivia. With who?**

**Ben and Jerry.**

**You have two dates?!**

**Ben & Jerry ice cream Elliot sheesh I don't know whether to laugh or feel hurt by your assumption.**

**I'm sorry.**

**Yeah.**

**Really I am.**

**Whatever. You're lucky you're you if anyone else said something like this to me I'd kill them. You'd get a new partner.**

**I don't want a new partner and I'd kill whoever wronged you first.**

**Ha ha if we ever commited murder this note would covict us for sure. Premeditation.**

**So right. Can I drop by later?**

**Only if you bring Chinese.**

**Freeloader.**

**See you at 7:00?**

**Make it 10:00 and it's a deal.**

**Ok it's a date.**

"Detectives I hope you're getting your work done while you write notes." Cragen warned, ending their conversation.

Stretching, Elliot figured he should go. It was past midnight and they were pulling a double tomorrow. Well today. Dispensing of the fast food containers, he turned to leave. Passing the counter, something caught his eye. Since when did Olivia write in a fuzzy pink journal? Curiousity got the best of Elliot and he picked up the mysterious book.

"Oops." he mumbled as a stray page fell to the floor. Leaning down to pick it up he noticed the title.

"**I Wonder**." He read aloud silently.

_I wonder if we could be more than friends_

_I wonder if I needed it, your hand you'd lend_

_I wonder if I choose to break down_

_You'd drop everything and stay around_

_I wonder if what you feel for me_

_what I feel for you, true love that's everlasting_

_A type of love that'd pull ANYONE under_

_I just wonder..._

What the hell? Who was she talking about?

_I wonder if you'd leave when you've had too much_

_I wonder if you'd consider me a burden, a crutch_

_Someone who's too needy, wanting you all the time_

_Someone who'd need your help when she's not fine_

_I wonder if I cried, would you consider me weak_

_Would you shift uneasily, afraid to speak_

_He_ wouldn't. Not on his life.

_Afraid to get too close, become a part of my plunder_

_Again right now, this time I wonder..._

_I wonder if we're more than just "close"_

_I wonder if I'm the one you love the most_

_I wonder if I'm the one you can always call_

_I wonder if with you I can truly fall_

_I wonder if you're too good to be true_

_I wonder if I'm really in love with you_

_Is it the kind of love that pulls one under?_

_All I'm left to do is wonder._

Stunned, Elliot put the journal down. Never in eight years had he ever suspected Olivia of having such talent.Who was she talking about? Swallowing, he remembered he had to get home. Covering Olivia with a blanket, he resisted the urge to kiss her good night.

"Good night Liv." He said softly, then was gone.

"Damn it!!!" Olivia yelped, rubbing her head. "Time to get a new couch." Looking around, she realized that Elliot had gone. It would have been nice to just lay in his arms. Hearing his heartbeat. Feeling his hands get accquainted with her body..."He's your partner Olivia." she reminded herself with a sigh. Walking into her bedroom she noticed the journal on her bed and decided to add a little more to her poem. At the bottom of the page in Elliot's awkward handwriting it read: **Dear Olivia, I wonder too.**


	3. Temporary insanity

**Thanks a ton for the best reviews ever!!! feedback is greatly appreciated. I forgot to say that I don't own anything, except the "God Elliot kiss her already!!!" oh and the poem in chapter 2 of course. Olivia, I know how ya feel is all I can say. Sorry for the late update, but I can only type weekdays and I have a pregnant sister who likes to bug me. lol add a 2 year old into the mix, and it's hard to get any work done!!! **

Stunned, Olivia slowly put her journal down. This could not be happening. Not now, not to her. Reaching for her phone, she quickly speed dialed Casey.

Ring...Ring...Come on Come _on_...

"Hi you've reached-"

"One unreliable friend!" Olivia snapped, slamming down her phone. Shit. She had to think. It was what, 6:00? Which meant she had one hour and fifteen minutes to compose herself. Shooting the clock a evil look, she decided to get dressed. Calling in sick would only make everyone suspicious, especially Elliot. She would have to show up to work as planned, and try to sort it all out later. "Case you could've answered your phone." she muttered, walking into her bedroom to prepare for a shower, and quite possibly one stressful day.

Fully dressed and now completley awake, Olivia stole another glance at her clock. 6:30. In about fifteen minutes, she'd be on her way to the 16th precinct, and Elliot. Before she had a chance to curse time for being against her, there was a knock at the door.

"If that's Elliot I'll shoot myself." she vowed, looking through the peephole. Flinging the door open, she dragged a surprised Casey inside.

"Liv what's wrong?" Casey asked, confused.

"Oh my god I am so happy to see you. I take back everything I said." Olivia blurted out happily, giving Casey a generous hug. Casey stared warily at her.

"You're drunk aren't you? It's ok I've been there myself after a few tough cases. Look, just let me go home and grab some vodka, tomatoes, and some grape koolaid. After a few sips of what I whip up, you'll be good as new."

It was Olivia's turn to raise an eyebrow. "I'm not drunk Casey. Although given my present situation a drink sounds pretty good." she sighed, slumping down onto the couch. Closing the door, Casey took a seat beside her.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt? Do you need me to call Elliot-"

"No don't call Elliot! It's his fault in the first place." Olivia hissed, snatching Casey's cell phone away before she could call anyone.

"That bastard." Casey stated, crossing her arms across her chest. Olivia snickered. "What?" Casey asked indignantly.

"You don't even know what he did." Olivia answered, slightly amused by Casey's loyalty towards her. Casey grunted in response.

"It doesn't matter. I'm your best friend and if he's done something to hurt you, then he's a bastard." She explained matter of factly.

"What ever happened to being fair and there's two sides to every story? You can't condemn him just because I don't like him, and I do like him, you need more evidence than that." The moment the sentence left her mouth, Olivia instantly regretted it. Upon hearing, "evidence" Casey perked instantly.

"You're right. Tell me everything that happened, including what's led up to all of this." Casey commamded, standing up to pace. Olivia thought to remind her that they weren't in the courtroom, but decided against arguing with a prosecutor. So taking a deep breath, she summed up the entire story. Casey nodded. "I don't get it." she said.

"Neither do I Casey. Which is why I need some time to myself to think this whole thing-whatever it may be, over. I don't want to go into work all flustered and blow everything." Olivia explained, now pacing herself.

"You both seem to want the same thing though, so what's the big deal?" Casey asked. Olivia turned to face her.

"For a lawyer you're catching on pretty slow."

"Maybe if you were a tad more descriptive-"

"Ok ok sorry." Olivia apologized. "Before we were just flirting. Barely flirting. Now I'm afraid that after reading the poem, he'll think I'm ready to start a relationship and it's not like I don't want to, but..."

"You want to take it slow so it doesn't blow up it your face." Casey offered softly. Olivia nodded.

"We have our share of problems, and it wasn't that long ago I was Oregon and he kissed Dani." Casey patted her on the shoulder.

"Want to call in sick and play hooky? There's this cool strip club we could uh, hide out at." she suggested, a devilish grin crossing her face. Olivia rolled her eyes, but smiled a little.

"Calling in sick would bring Elliot to my door with soup and juice. I guess I'll just have to face him." she said, grabbing her keys. Once outside she took in the beautiful weather. Casey stopped in front of her, causing Olivia to bump into her.

"Casey what-" she started, but Casey interrupted her.

"I got it! I know how you can get a day off!" she yelled excitedly.

"What? how?" Olivia asked warily, not wanting to get her hopes too high.

Casey grinned. "Temporary insanity."

"Good morning Olivia." Munch and Fin greeted together at the same time, resulting in Olivia raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"You guys spend too much time together." she mumbled, taking a seat at her desk. "Where's Elliot, we're supposed to get at Jenkins today."

Munch shrugged. Fin rolled his eyes.

"He said he'd be a little late and if you wanted to go without him, you should ah, have one of us in there." he confessed, cringing at the glare he recieved from Olivia.

"I can take care of myself you know" she huffed, grabbing the case file and stalking off towards the interrogation room. "I don't _need_ him  
for every little thing." Frowning, Fin followed.

"We know that Olivia. But it's just we also know that Jenkins has been getting under your skin, more so than any perp we've seen in awhile. Elliot just didn't want you to lose your head." he explained, putting his hand on her shoulder.

Olivia smiled a little. "I know you guys care, and that means alot to me, it does. But I also need you to trust me in these type of situations." Fin nodded.

"I'll be behind the mirror with Cragen in case you need me." He informed, walking away. Taking a deep breath, Olivia entered the interrogation room. Seated comfortably in a chair, Jenkins smiled at her arrival.

"It's about time you showed up." he sneered, gearing up for a converstion.

"Christopher Jenkins...you're a child of rape, you live in Queens, assault and battery...and you reportedly still live at home with your mother." Olivia read down the list, finishing the last sentence with a laugh.

"At least my mother is still living. I hear your mother died drunk." Jenkins spat, growing angry.

"Really Jenkins? From who?" Olivia asked, dodging his outburst.

"Your father."

"And here I was wondering why you flunked the 5th grade. Thanks for giving me the answer." Olivia applauded, patting the man on the back.

Jenkins smiled icily. "And here _I_ was wondering when you were gonna ask me about the little girl I snatched. I guess I thought wrong about you Detective." he taunted, leaning back in his chair.

"My my aren't you cocky. I can't wait to hear you sing a different tune once you're shipped off to Rikers." Olivia whispered in his ear.

"And_ I_ can't wait to hear you sing a different tune when you're begging for your life." Jenkins announced, leaning back in his chair. Gritting her teeth, Olivia pressed on.

"So it says here..."

"Hey Elliot. Want to tell me why you're so late this morning?" Munch asked, not even looking up from his computer.

"No Munch, In fact I wouldn't." Elliot answered irritably. Looking over at Olivia's desk and finding it empty, he shot Munch an angry look. "_Please_ tell me you didn't let her go it alone with Jenkins."

"OLIVIA THAT'S ENOUGH!!!" Cragen could be heard saying.

"You sick son of a bitch if half of what you're saying is true I swear to god I'll-" Olivia's threat could be heard next.

"Olivia stop it you're killing him, let go of his throat-" Fin was cut off by a crash and more scuffling.

"To be fair, I had no idea." Munch said, following a frantic Elliot to the interogation room. Once there, it wasn't hard to spot Olivia, who was strangling a very surprised and very blue Jenkins while Cragen screamed at her to let him go at once. Looking as surprised as Elliot and Munch, Fin shot them a helpless apologetic look.

"Fuck." Elliot said grufly, rushing over to pull Olivia off of the prisoner. "Liv. Livia..." he called, afraid to get too close at the moment. Freezing at the sound of Elliot's voice, Olivia got distracted. Seizing the oppurtunity, Jenkins kicked her off of him. Crying out in surprise and pain, Olivia fell back. "You motherfucker." Elliot seethed, jumping on Jenkins himself. Catching him midair, Cragen Ordered them both into his office. There would be hell to pay.


	4. Be careful what you wish for

**Hey there! Thanks for the greatest reviews ever I loved them all. Here's chapter 4 I hope you enjoy!!! I'm thinking about adding more poetry in what do you think?  
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo **

This day was so not going how she planned. Sparing her captain a sideways glance, he looked angirly upon her.

"Take a seat Olivia." he said cooly, sitting in his own chair. Numbly, Olivia sat down. "I honestly don't know where to begin with you. Usually it's Elliot I'm having this conversation with. What you did, it crossed the line. Big time. Should he press charges I have no doubt that you will lose your job." Olivia cringed.

"Sorry Cap." she whispered miserably. "I-I didn't mean..." she trailed off. Just exactly what _did _she mean to do? Looking past his anger, Cragen realized just how bad his detective felt.

"You lost your head for a second. It happens. That's why I wanted someone in there with you, so we could avoid this entire situation." he said softly, coaxing Olivia to look at him. She did not. "What he said to you in there...I'm not surprised you reacted the way you did. To be completely honest, I was half a second off him myself." Hearing this, Olivia looked at her boss in surprise. Cragen chuckled softly. "I'm not angry at you Olivia. He said some really harsh things back there especially that last part-"

"Yeah Cap I know." Olivia cut him off, trying like hell to forget the last 20 minutes. Well almost. She kept the few minutes of her cutting off Jenkins' air supply. "I'm sorry." she offered finally, noticing Cragen gazing at her warmly.

"I know. Sadly, our superiors won't see it that way. I have no choice really but to suspend you." Olivia nodded.

"How long?" she asked.

Cragen smiled. "I'd say a week. I need some time to smooth over some ruffled feathers." Olivia smiled back.

"Thanks for having my back Don." she said, standing up to leave.

"Thanks for choking Jenkins for me. It saved his life you know." Olivia laughed.

"Tell the boys bye for me?" she asked. Fin, Munch, and Elliot were trying to stall Jenkins' lawyer until Casey arrived with hopefully a damn good explanation.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"I will." Cragen promised. With a small wave, Olivia was gone.

Recovering in the crib were three detectives.

"Why the _fuck_ did you let her go in there by herself?!" Elliot yelled incredously. Munch and Fin sighed. _Here we go _they thought.

"We didn't _let_ her do anything. She did it her damn self!!!" Fin snapped, rising to his feet. Elliot rose to meet him.

"Guys that's enough. Jenkins' lawyer seemed to believe our story, so we're in the clear." Munch interjected. Elliot snorted.

"Yeah Munch, that's just great-think about yourself. What about Liv huh? How is _she_ in the fucking clear?" he roared.

"Elliot." Cragen said from the doorway.

"Cap?" Elliot answered sheepishly.

"My office. _Now_." Cragen ordered, voice devoid of the warmth he had just shown Olivia. Shooting Fin and Munch a glare, Elliot followed.

Taking a seat in the chair Cragen didn't offer, Elliot waited. Clearing his throat, Cragen pulled out Elliot's file.

"So this would be what, the millionth time you've lost your cool with a suspect?" he asked. Elliot sighed.

"Cap..." he started, but Cragen didn't give him a chance.

"Shut up." he ordered, taking a seat himself. "What the hell were you thinking Elliot?"

Elliot stiffened. "I was thinking I had to back my partner up. I didn't know that was a crime." he said.

"It is when you try to tear the suspect's head off!" Cragen barked.

"Oh come on you stopped me before it could get that far!" Elliot protested.

"Do you even care that you could've lost your job?" Cragen asked in disbelief. Elliot's face crumpled in thought.

"My job...Olivia's life...hmm..." Cragen rolled his eyes.

"You're exagerrating Elliot. She wasn't in any danger." he tried to explain. It was Elliot's turn to roll his eyes. "Don't be a jackass Elliot." Elliot grinned.

"But it's part of my charm." he said innocently. Cragen nodded.

"Suspension is far too good for you. And since you're already on desk duty, I don't have any ideas on what to do with you. You're like a bratty, smart ass kid who keeps getting sent to the principal's office. So you'll be riding a desk-and only a desk-until further notice. No interogations, no interviews, just you and the desk." he announced, enjoying the smile slowly fade from Elliot's cocky face.

"But-Captain..." Elliot sputtered, at a loss for words.

"You're dismissed detective." Cragen said, now looking over some paperwork.

"This is so fucking unfair."Elliot muttered, leaving the office. He didn't think twice about slamming the door behind him.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"That bad?" Munch inquired, upon hearing Elliot slam his locker shut. Instead of cursing Munch out again, Elliot settled on a simple glare.

"You call me selfish Elliot, but have you once thought about Olivia?" Munch asked.

"Only about every fucking second" crossed Elliot's mind as an answer but he chose to remain silent.

"She's suspended for a week. But you already knew that." Munch informed. Elliot's eyes went wide.

"Where is she?" he demanded.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"Beatiful night huh?" Casey asked, walking up to stand beside Olivia.

"Yeah if I wasn't in such a depressed mood." Olivia answered, looking up at the stars.

"I thought you wanted some time off." Casey questioned. Olivia smiled a sad, tired smile.

"Be careful what you wish for." she said. Casey agreed silently.

"Maybe you'll be ok after a few days. You are pretty overworked. I would know, we work almost the same amount of hours." she said hopefully.

"Maybe. I guess I just need some time alone. You know, to gather my thoughts." Olivia said, a warm breeze cutting through her thoughts.

"I get the point. Call when you feel up to it okay?" Casey asked, walking towards the door. Olivia nodded. Once Casey was gone, she closed her eyes to relax. It was when she was alone that she could fully relax. She didn't have to worry about being the supercop, or keeping a smile on her face when she felt like falling apart. And boy oh boy did she feel like falling apart. Jenkins' speech was not in the least bit true, but it shook her to the core. Another breeze blew, this one colder than the last. Shivering a little, Olivia vaguely wondered if it was from the cold or from fear.

"Are you cold?" A voice whispered in her ear. Olivia jumped.

"Hey." She offered weakly, instead of explaining her thoughts. Elliot grinned truly for the first time that day.

"Hey." he said, wrapping his arms around her. "I missed you today." His arms around her were like a fortress, protecting her always. It was in his arms that she felt safest. Sniffling-taking a breath in, she tried to compose herself.

"I-ahem. I missed you too." she managed to get out hoarsely. Truthfully that was an understatement. Elliot frowned.

"Are you ok?" he questioned softly, pulling her closer, gripping her tighter.

"Where were you today?" Olivia asked, her voice low but a tad accusatory.

"I-um, Kathy called me. She wanted to talk." Elliot answered, feeling guiltier than ever for not being there when Olivia wanted, _needed_ him to.

If she heard him, Olivia gave no indication that she had. "I'm suspended for a week." she said. Elliot froze. Something just wasn't right.

"I know...Liv I'm so sorry I wasn't there to back you up." he apologized. Olivia shrugged.

"I can take care of myself. Besides, it's not like you had to be there." she said, pulling away from his embrace to be met with the cold night air.

"Hold on Olivia...I know I didn't have to be there. But I wanted to. I know how much Jenkins gets under your skin so I wanted to be there, to keep it from getting as far as it did today." Elliot explained, baffled by his partner's behavior. "What did he say to you?"

"I heard you cussed out Munch and Fin. It's not their fault you know." Olivia pointed out, ignoring Elliot's question.

"Yes the hell it is. They should've been in there with you-"

"Why Elliot! Because I'm dangerous? Because I might lose control and hurt someone?" Olivia yelled suddenly, shocking Elliot. She had been trying to keep her emotions under control, but what Jenkins told her was a wound that ran too deep to be swept under the carpet.

"No of course not. Liv-" Elliot tried, but Olivia once again refused to hear him.

"Or maybe it's beacause you think I'm like my mother. She was out control alot, especially after a few drinks. She never could control her rage, maybe she passed it on to me." Olivia was crying now, knowing what she was saying was pure bullshit but letting it tumble out of her mouth anyway. Elliot stared at her with shattered eyes. He had missed out on so much today, and his partner was paying for his absence.

"Livia..." he started, but stopped, at a loss for words. Taking his silence as an agreement, Olivia continued on.

"You think it's true. You think I'm just like my mother. If you think I'm just like her, why don't you get a new partner then? I'm sure Dani would like to take my job-" Reaching out, Elliot pulled Olivia into a tight hug.

"Don't talk like that." He whispered, frightened at the possibility of her leaving yet again. "I would never ever compare you to your mother, or anybody else. You're my Olivia. Not Dani, not your mother, not Melinda or Casey. You're you, and I wouldn't change that. Not on my life." Crying softly, Olivia burried her head into his shoulder. She wanted nothing more than to dissappear forever. "Shh...it's ok. I'm here it's ok. Shh..." Elliot soothed, kissing her softly on the cheek. He didn't ever want to let go. Pulling away, Olivia stared at him. As if she had made a decison, she kissed him quickly on the lips. What she didn't expect however, was for Elliot to kiss her back. Slipping his hands underneath her blouse, he rubbed her back reassuringly.

"Elliot-" Olivia whispered breathlessly, pulling back for a moment.

"Shh...I meant what I said Olivia. It's ok." Elliot said, pulling her close and kissing her once more. Breaking free, he trailed kisses down her neck, savoring her scent. "You smell so good." he commented, working his fingers through her now long silky hair. "No offense, but I kind of liked your shorter hair better." Olivia started to laugh, but winced instead. "You ok?" Elliot asked worriedly. Olivia nodded.

"It's been a rough day." she admitted.

"Can I drive you home?" Elliot asked, unsure of Olivia's attitude towards him. Olivia smiled.

"Sure." she said, holding out her hand. Taking it graciously, Elliot led her off of the rooftop and into the building. They still had alot to talk about, mainly Jenkins, but that could wait until tomorrow. Right now, both detectives were satisfied with a simple ride home.

Some distance away, a shadowed figure watched the pair, also satisfied with their ride home. Now he could figure out just exactly where the infamous detective Benson lived.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

**Sorry if I misspelled anything I have no beta:( What did you think? Reviews are greatly appreciated and welcome!!! **


	5. Lazy but soon to be crazy night

hangs head in complete and utter shame I apologize a thousand times for my delay. Sadly, I am a high school student who shares a computer with 3 sisters who are sadly addicted to myspace. More poetry in this chapter, I hope you like it. To fix any confusion I may have caused, Olivia will be calling Elliot Ace. I fixed the summary so I hope you enjoy. The next chaper will be called All hell breaks loose.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"You're wrong Case. Jensen is way hotter than Jared." Olivia argued, curling up in a ball on her couch.

"No way!!! Jared is way hotter. If I could only meet him." Casey sighed sadly into her phone. Olivia laughed.

"Either way, the show rocks. It's like a scary movie every week. And they weren't nominated for any emmys. It's a conspiracy." It was Casey's turn to laugh.

"You've been around Munch too long." she informed. "Anyway, I hear uh, Marlissa got nominated from that cop show show."

"You mean Mariska? Mariska Hargitay? Yeah I heard she got nominated for an emmy too. That's twice in a row." Olivia said with great respect towards the actress.

"I know. But strangely, if you squint one eye and tilt your head to the side, she sort of looks like you. In fact, she looks exactly like you." Casey said.

"Yeah right. Next thing you know you'll be saying that lawyer chick looks exactly like you." Olivia snorted.

"Actually, she does." Casey added stubbornly, refusing to abandon her argument.

"What are the odds that we're counterparts of famous actors?" Olivia asked serioulsy.

"Slim to none." Casey muttered. "But it could happen right?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Yeah Casey, it could happen." she relented.

"Told ya." Casey smirked smugly. "So what happened after you and Elliot kissed?" Olivia smiled warmly.

"He drove me home, asked if I wanted him to stay. It took awhile, but I finally convinced him I was ok by myself." she explained.

"You didn't want him to stay the night?" Casey asked. Olivia shook her head, even though she knew Casey couldn't see her.

"No...I mean on some level I did, but I'm too scattered right now. I need some time to myself." Casey nodded.

"Yeah. ok." she said understandably.

"I'm tired. Call me in the morning. You have some explaining to do." Olivia ordered. Casey's eyebrows went up in surprise.

"I do?" she asked.

"Yeah you do. You never told me what happened while I was stuck on desk duty." Olivia said.

"Oh..._Oh._ I can't tell you unless my lawyer's present." Casey informed. Olivia laughed.

"Casey, you _are_ a lawyer. Call me tomorrow." she hung up before Casey could argue. Sighing heavily, she winced as pain once again shot through her abdomen.

"What the hell?" she questioned, rolling onto her side hoping to alleviate the pain. Lifting up her shirt, she gaped at the baseball shaped bruise that seemed to appear out of nowhere. "That bastard bruised my stomach!" she yelled out in shock. Deciding that it wasn't serious after further inspection, Olivia made her way to bed. She'd be damned if Jenkins ruined her night. Besides, if it wasn't for Jenkins, she'd never have a week off. Closing her eyes, she drifted off to sleep.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"What's got your boxers in a bunch?" Fin inquired, noticing Elliot chewing viciously on his pen.

"Liv wouldn't let him spend the night." Munch laughed, handing his partner a coffee.

"Shut up." Elliot scowled, tossing his pen across the room.

"Elliot if she doesn't want you there, you need to respect that. Not get mad at her." Fin pointed out. Elliot smiled softly, remembering the poem she'd written.

"I could never get mad at her." he said quietly. Fin and Munch laughed. Before they had a chance to remind him of all the times he and Oliva clashed, Cragen poked his head out of his office.

"Unless there's a suspect in this room, I _suggest _you all get some work done." he warned, unknowingly preventing a massive argument.

Turning back to his computer, Elliot contemplated on just what to do with his time.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Springing awake, Olivia searched for what woke her up. Realizing she had a text message, she laughed at her uneasiness. Just exactly _why_ was she feeling uneasy? Shaking her head, she opened her phone.

_Check your email. El_

"He'd better have a damned good reason for waking me up." Olivia growled, then smiled when she remembered what he did to calm her down earlier. "Ok El. I owe you." she said, plopping down at her desk. Pulling up her email account, she seached for his message. "**Trust me**." An unread message read. Curiously, she clicked "read."

_Hey Liv, Cragen is being a real ass tonite, so I'm writing this to kill time and to hopefully show you how I feel. Jeez you can write can't you? I'm sorry if writing on the poem-your poem ruined it somehow I just was blown away is all. You wonder? Is it about me or did you write it about someone esle? Look at me. I sound like a jealous boyfriend. Sorry. Anyway, I'm getting back to work now, Munch and Fin are wondering why I'm so invested in my keyboard._

_Close your eyes picture my face_

_Why do you shy away from my warm embrace?_

_Open your eyes. Give me your hand_

_Why do think I wouldn't understand?_

Every single hair on the back of Olivia's head stood straight up.

"What are you psychic El?" she whispered quietly, too choked up to speak any louder.

_It breaks my heart to see you hurting, losing sleep_

_What is it that has you feeling like you're in too deep?_

_When you're in pain, I feel it too_

_Brown eyes meet blue..._

Yup. He was definitely psychic. Shaking loose her thoughts, Olivia's gaze went back to the screen.

_let me in show me the way_

_Don't tell me to leave when I want to stay_

_No storm lasts forever_

_Believe that we're in this together_

_Trust me when you're feeling down or low_

_I won't ever let you fall because I don't ever let you go._

_Please sleep tightly tonight Liv. Cell's on if you need me._

Breathless, Olivia could only stare at her computer in stunned silence.

"Only you Elliot, only you." she managed, then clicked respond. She knew _exactly _what to write. After a few words, she that standard was not her style. She needed-wanted to capture Elliot's attention.

_I was afriad, you sensed my fear  
__Before I cried, you caught my tear  
Before it could be said, you laughed at my joke  
You helped me breathe in before I could choke._

Smiling, Olivia continued to write. After finishing, the message, she went back to sleep peacefully this time.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Elliot you have an email." Munch sang, laughing at Elliot's eager expression.

"Shut up Munch!" He snapped angirly. Sitting down at his desk, he forgot about Munch when he realized he had a message from Olivia.

It was titled, "**Neverending trust**"

Elliot smiled. He would enjoy this message. But litle did he know that it would be a long night.


	6. All hell breaks loose

A/N: SORRY for the longest delay, I hope you guys are still with me. Working right after school until midnight has left me drained at the very least. Here's a late Xmas gift to my devoted readers. ENJOY!

* * *

Olivia became acutely aware of her lock being picked. Opening one eye, she played out possible scenarios. One: Elliot could have taken his worrying to the extreme. Two: Munch's theory on the government spying was indeed true. Or it was scenario three: Someone was breaking into her apartment and trying to rob her or worse. Either way, it pissed Olivia off. Scrambling out of bed, she frantically searched for her gun. When there was a loud thud on her roof, she froze. 

_What the fuck?_

Suddenly, a shadowed figure tackled her to the ground, knocking the wind out of her. Dazed, Olivia struggled to get her footing, and control of the situation.

"Well well what's this? Sleeping on the job Detective Benson?"

_Jenkins._

"You...son of a bitch." Olivia gasped, trying to loosen the man's tight grip from around her throat. Out of all the perps to break into her house, it had to be him.

"Careful, that's my mother you're talking about." Jenkins warned, laughing. "It's not fun to not be able to breathe is it?" he asked.

"No...not really. But I've been choked before." Olivia said, working her way out of Jenkins' grip easily. In response, Jenkins gave her a hard slap in the face, sending her flying backwards. "You motherfucker," she seethed, getting up to jump on him. Caught by surprise, Jenkins tried to avoid Olivia's attack, but it was too late. Punching him ruthlessly in the face, Olivia gave no sign of letting up. Jenkins had no intention of letting up either, sending a forceful kick to her ribs.

"Not so smug now are you bitch?" Jenkins asked with a sneer. Olivia's left side felt like it was on fire, but that wasn't the reason she was seeing red. Giving a furious deranged yell, she flung herself onto Jenkins and attacked him full force. After one particularly hard kick to the face, he had no choice but to endure a full fledged ass whooping from a very pissed off Olivia.

* * *

Elliot wasted no time in reading Olivia's email. Anything from her immediately captured his attention. 

_El, you're such an ass. Of course that poem was about you. I didn't want you to read it, but I guess it's too late now. I don't know what to do with this, but I can't deny how I feel. There's so much about me that you don't know, yet at times it seems like you know everything when it matters the most. Thanks for that. LOL (did I really say/write lol?) yeah who knew I could write? I certainly didn't. It helps to lessen the pain ya know? Anyway, I wrote this for you and if you don't like it, keep it to yourself? lol (I did it again) I like that idea._

_I was afraid you sensed my fear_

_Before I cried you caught my tear_

_Before it can be said you laughed at my joke_

_You helped me breathe in before I could choke._

_Before it all went dark you turned on the light_

_My vision's cleared I've regained my sight_

_I have your answer before I can call_

_I'm already picked up before I fall_

_I laugh harder now it's so strange_

_That I could go through such a wonderful change_

_Because of you_

_For making my life better you've earned my loyalty_

_Along with my trust and love I give it selflessly_

_Because no words could express_

_And I couldn't stress_

_To you enough how important you are_

_If I'm not around please know I'm not far_

_For as long you'll have me_

_I'm here for an eternity._

Elliot was stunned beyond words. So many things were running through his mind he needed a few seconds to pull himself together.

"OK." he sighed quietly. One: he was thrilled Olivia was talking about him in her first poem. Two: he was unsettled. What did she mean by there's so much he didn't know about her? And what pain did she have to lessen?

_Oh god_

What if _he_ was the one causing her pain? Shaking loose his thoughts, he focused on the poem.

"Fucking brilliant." he said aloud, causing Munch and Fin to look at him.

"Who me? Well I don't mean to brag-"

"Not you dumb ass." Fin snapped, turning to face Elliot. Before he could say anything, Cragen rushed out of his office.

"We need to go. Olivia's been attacked by Jenkins." He said quickly, rushing out of the station house. Elliot, Fin, and Munch were already behind him.

* * *

"Olivia? I'm Dr. Lyle. You're in the hospital getting a rape exam. If you hold still I'll-" Upon hearing the words rape kit, Olivia started freaking out. Thrashing about wildly, she managed to free herself from the stirrups. Assuming she was having some sort of breakdown, Dr. Lyle and his assistants attempted to subdue her. 

"Let me go right now! Right NOW!" she screamed.

"Olivia..." Dr. Lyle tried to soothe her, but was cut off.

"I'm a fucking cop. _Special Victims Unit_. I know my goddamn rights. You have no right to give me a rape exam without my consent. And the last time I checked, I never consented to anything. _So let me go_." Olivia commanded through clenched teeth.

"Let her go." Dr. Lyle sighed. Obeying, the nurses left the room. "My apologies Detective." Olivia looked at him warily. "You have a few broken ribs, a result of having upset them when they were already cracked and bruised-"

"Whoa whoa hold on. Already cracked and bruised?" Olivia asked. Dr. Lyle nodded.

"Apparently there was already some damage to them prior to your attack tonight. Uh, you have a nasty bump on your head, but I don't think the concussion is too bad. Besides that, you have a few cuts and bruises on your face and arms." Olivia nodded numbly. She had no idea how close she had been cutting it.

"Thank you for saving my life, and I apologize for my behavior." Dr. Lyle smiled.

"Not a problem. You're not the first person to freak out in the ER. I've seen worse." he assured her. Olivia smiled back.

"So am I free to go?"

* * *

Like a caged lion, Elliot paced the waiting room. Cragen sighed. 

"Elliot, you know that pacing isn't going to help matters." he pointed out. Still pacing, Elliot shot him a dirty look. Cragen gave him one right back.

"Elliot-"

"I wasn't there." Elliot stated, slumping into a chair sadly. Munch and Fin shook their heads. It was no use arguing with a guilty Elliot.

"Look-she's not blaming us-"

"How do you know that?" Elliot snapped. Cragen rolled his eyes.

"ANYWAY. She's not blaming us, and we shouldn't blame ourselves either. Now we could sit here and play the blame game, or we could spend our time productively and try to figure out who did this to her."

"Jenkins. I'm going to kill that fucker." Shocked, all heads turned to Casey, who shrugged. "I mean it. Nobody hurts my friends."

Cragen ran a hand over his face. "Just when I thought I'd hear a voice of reason." he mumbled.

"Detectives!" Dr. Lyle called out.

"Thank god-"

"How is she?" Elliot blurted out. Cragen gritted his teeth.

"Please tell us she's okay so my detective can calm down." Cragen smiled, but sent Elliot a glare. Dr. Lyle smiled.

"She's fine, but I wouldn't say she's in the best of moods. She has a couple of broken ribs-"

"_Oh god_" Elliot said, placing his head in his hands.

"El...you'd better tone it down a little if you want to avoid Cragen's wrath." Munch warned, putting a hand on his shoulder. Without looking at anyone, Elliot nodded. Dr. Lyle continued.

"She has a few cuts and bruises, and a concussion. I've already briefed her on her condition. She'll be here a few days, then when all seems well, she'll be free to go." Cragen nodded.

"Can we see her?" he asked.

"Room 208. Don't try to stress her though, she needs alot of rest. Given her situation, I'm sure you understand." Dr, Lyle advised. Fin shook his head.

"Situation?" he questioned.

"It's not everyday you're attacked in your own home. Physically she'll heal, but emotionally, mentally-she has a long way to go." Dr. Lyle said seriously.

"Understood." Standing up, Cragen notioned for his squad to follow.

"Another thing detectives." Dr. Lyle called. Everyone turned to face him. "She freaked out when I tried to do a rape exam. She flatly refused."

* * *

Olivia wanted to go home. She had no gun, no taser, no back up, or any peace of mind. She was unarmed in a hospital wearing nothing but a flimsy hospital gown. Ontop of that, her attacker was still out there. Jenkins was the one inside her apartment, but who was on her roof? Extremely unsettled, Olivia debated her options. 

"I can't up and leave. I'm no good to anyone in this condition." she thought, closing her eyes. "but sitting around and waiting isn't exactly my style either..."

"Olivia." she heard Cragen whisper.

"Is everyone here already? I look a mess no doubt." Olivia thought miserably. _Maybe I should keep my eyes closed, pretend I'm asleep. I feel too vunerable right now. _She felt someone pick up her hand and gently stroke it._ Elliot?_

"Hey baby girl." _Fin_. Olivia felt a smile tug at her lips. "Did she just smile?"

"Oh you're imagining things." another voice said. _Munch of course. Leave it to him to bring people back to earth._

"If he saw it he saw it." That was Casey of course. _It's still so black and white with you isn't it? _Everyone was there, but where was-

"Liv." A voice breathed. It sounded so quiet, so lost. It also sounded torn and guilty. _Elliot. _Involuntarily, Olivia whimpered. _I have to let him know it's not his fault. _

"Is she in pain? what's wrong with her?" Elliot demanded.

_Don't worry about me El worry about yourself! I shouldn't have dragged you into this!_

"Call a doctor!" Cragen barked, concern evident in his voice. Whimpering again, Olivia tried to open her eyes, but they refused to cooperate. As a new darkness started to surround her, she heard machines going haywire.

"Dammit where's that doctor!" Elliot yelled, rushing to Olivia's bedside. "Liv, Livia...come on don't you do this. Not now-not after-" his voice broke as he grabbed her by the wrists to steady her.

"Ssstooop. Noooo." Olivia slurred, trying desperately to get everyone to understand.

_Don't touch me El, it hurts. Everything hurts. Jenkins...and he has a partner..._even her thoughts seemed to fail her as she finally gave up and let go.

_I never knew falling could make me feel so free..._

* * *

_A/N: _Didn't really like this chapter, but the next should make up for it. Thanks for reading! If there's any confusion as to what's up with Liv, it'll be explained in chapter seven. Yes I wrote the poem, and if poetry's not your style, my apologies. Poems I add are ones already written by me from years ago. 


	7. Wreck of the day

**A/N:**_ So...um...hey there. It's been well overdue, but I finally got this chapter up. It's short I know, but I wanted to give you guys something. Honestly, I don't live a white picket fence life. I don't live a life surrounded by love and rainbows-it's just me and the pen in my hand or the keyboard underneath my fingers. Makes it easier ya know? I'm not making excuses for myself and I'm not looking for sympathy, I just want you to know I'm not sitting on my ass not doing anything. Life just gets in the way. I was on a roll writing this, but cut it short to let you guys read it. It's much easier to keep going with chapter 8 too. Hopefully that can be posted ASAP. I'm apologize deeply for my absence and I humbly ask that you guys stick with me on this. (smile) this story is like my baby. I really hope you like this chapter. Drop me a review if you feel like it. OE-shipper-2006, thanks for the message. It kinda shocked me back into reality. Hope this chapter doesn't dissappoint you._

* * *

Being unconscious was _so _overrated. There was no out of body expierience, no dreams, or even any sound. It was just...darkness.

_Time to wake up Benson. All hell is breaking loose._ At least her conscience was working. That was something right? Groaning, Olivia stiffened immediately.

"Can't I ever sleep in?" she snapped at herself, and she'd bet her life and career that her conscience laughed. _Laughed_ at her. But it was a cruel laugh, a bitter laugh that made her feel like she said something stupid.

_Sure you can. I mean, nevermind that you're currently unconscious and you just about went into cardiac arrest-great job on updating your medical records about being intolerant to certain pain meds by the way, and oh...I almost forgot. Your ENTIRE SQUAD-even Munch's impatient ass are sitting in your room right now worrying, damn near in tears wondering if you're going to make it through the night. So EXCUSE ME for fucking up your beatuy sleep._

Olivia was at a loss for words. "I didn't expect to end up in the ICU anytime soon, that's why I didn't update my medical records." she finally offered weakly.

_Yeah well, life's funny ain't it. _Her conscience said dryly.

"Now I can understand why perps call me such a bitch." Olivia laughed, and although she couldn't see it, she knew her conscience was smiling.

_What can I say? I'm just that good. _Olivia silently agreed. It was her after all. _But seriously Benson. You-WE need to wake up. It'll hurt like hell, but the looks on the guys faces will be worth it._

"Fine fine." Olivia grumbled, but there was no malice in it. "Stay with me C. I'm really going to need you." she said softly.

_You got me already. Now wake up..._

* * *

Eyes flashing open, Olivia warily scanned her surroundings. The sight both saddened and amazed her. Sprawled out awkwardly in one chair, Fin was fast asleep. Mirroring his posture was Munch in another chair. Asleep on a small couch were Casey and Cragen, both snoring softly. Elliot chose to be nearer, with a chair pulled up to her bed and asleep with one hand covering her. They all looked so uncomfortable, but Olivia knew there was no place they'd rather be. Damn Jenkins, Damn...whoever else was on her roof that night! Noticing a beep-well several beeps on a machine to the right of her, Olivia inspected the machine, which was now shrilling wildly.

"Oh so it measures my blood pressure. Huh." she thought absently. Hearing rather than seeing, she knew everyone was waking up. "Must be the machines." she concluded upon checking the time: 5am. Elliot was the first to wake, a look of terror on his face that did not go unnoticed. Cragen shot up next, waking up Casey who was leaning on him for support. Fin awoke next, calmly slapping Munch in the back of his head to wake him up.

"What's wrong?" They all asked at once, and although the situation was quite serious, Olivia burst out laughing. It was good for her apparently, since the beeping immediately vanished.

"I knew it-we ALL spend too much time together." she managed to get out, gasping for breath. Motioning for water, Casey handed her some. "Thanks." Casey nodded.

"How do you feel?" Cragen asked. Everyone else seemed to be at a loss for words.

"Better. Tired." Olivia answered, her voice stronger now after some hydration. Suddenly a nurse rushed into the room.

"Is everything ok?" she asked.

"Fine-no thanks to you." Elliot snapped. Olivia stared at him in confusion.

"Elliot-" she started, but Cragen interrupted.

"Check her vitals." he said calmly, although Olivia gauged his mood at pissed. Their tones were ignored by the Nurse, who did as she was told.

"Were you awake when the machine started beeping?" she asked. Olivia, confused as hell, nodded. "The medicine you had a serious reaction to increased your blood presseure. This machine has been keeping track of it. It goes off to warn you and us that it's getting too high. Your vitals are fine so I see no need to call the doctor in-"

"Well let's just get him in here anyway." Fin said rudely, his disdain prominent.

"I'm sure that if it's nothing, it won't take so long." Munch added, his voice obviously strained. The nurse, obviously unsettled, nodded quickly and left the room.

"If she takes more than ten minutes tops, that bitch is so fired." Casey vowed. All eyes turned to Olivia who was obviously upset. Never one to hold back, she let them have it.

"Guys what the hell! She was only doing her job! Taking your frustrations out on an innocent nurse is simply wrong. And I'm not going to tolerate it." she said, pausing when the machine beeped her a warning. Shooting it a look, she cut her tirade short. Taking the oppurtunity, Elliot met her gaze modestly.

"Liv," he sighed. Olivia quickly met his gaze and softened a little. Taking it as a cue, Elliot continued. "Your nurse...her name is Nancy Jenkins.

* * *


	8. Wreck of the day 2

_**AN:**__ I apologize for my extended absence, working at a casino really sucks. Well sometimes lol. This chapter is short, but wanted to get my feet wet in writing again, and give you guys something. For all my loyal reviewers-thank you. And to all who favorited this story and me-thanks! Enjoy!_

Silence reigned surpreme around the room, with all eyes on Olivia. Shifting nervously from foot to foot, Cragen spoke first.

"You ok Olivia?" he questioned softly. Sighing, Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but promptly closed it.

"_Am_ I okay?" she asked herself. Seeing his partner struggling to grasp what was going on, Elliot patted her shoulder gently. Feeling her tense under his touch, he quickly pulled away, offering a quick apology. The semi haunted smile he recieved in response nearly broke his heart. The question of if Liv was okay was answered in his book.

_I should have __**been**__ there..._

"I'm okay guys. Shaken, but in one piece" Olivia started, then after taking stock of herself laughed. "well almost in one piece." she offered.

"And Jenkins' sister?" Casey prompted. Olivia's face scrunched in thought.

_Get it together Benson _she chided herself. _They need you to be strong. Don't let that sonuvabitch get you. Neither one of them. You can't panic. You can't back or break down. You gotta breathe..._taking a breath, Olivia found her strength. "Did you see what I did to Jenkins?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Fin laughed.

"Hell yeah! You gave him the business baby girl!" he commented, smiling broadly. Olivia smiled back just the same.

"Glad I did. He deserved it." she said seriously. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. "Anyway, don't make a big deal about his sister-"

"BUT-" everyone objected, even Cragen.

"NO. No buts. Before we shoot first, let's ask some questions huh? We don't even know if she's a real threat to my safety. Does she have any priors?" Olivia asked sternly. When no one volunteered information, Munch spoke.

"No-well, we don't know. We kind of didn't check that out." he said uncomfortably. Olivia's attention turned to Casey.

"Did you pull her phone records? Execute a search warrant?" Casey shook her head.

"But Liv-" she tried, but was silenced again.

"No. No buts." Olivia said again with a shake of her head. "injured or not, I'm still a cop. That woman is innocent until I see evidence that tells me otherwise. She's only trying to do her job, and you guys have NO right to interfere with that. You know I'm right." she stated confidently. Seeing that she was getting through to them, she went for home base. "I don't want to fight you guys on this, so please listen to me. Think this through. Question Jenkins. Try to find out what the hell happened to me last night. I can take knowing what happened, but not knowing...that's what hurts the most." she confessed, letting a tear fight its way free.

Fighting every urge in his body to take her into his arms, Elliot managed a slight nod which he deemed pitiful.

_Can't make any woman happy huh Stabler?_ As if reading his thoughts, Olivia eyed him intently. Clearing his throat, Cragen spoke up.

"You're right Olivia. And don't argue guys. We've been worried about you, and that's clouded our judgements. All of them. But we won't let you down. Trust us." he promised. Olivia nodded.

"Munch and Fin, go tear jenkins apartment into pieces. Casey, let's go sign some paperwork to make it happen. Elliot-"

"Um Cap? Can Elliot stay with me?" Olivia blurted out. All eyes turned to her in confusion.

_Wasn't going anywhere anyway, except maybe to Jenkins room to cut off his air supply, but he can wait. For once, I'm puting Liv-my Liv first._ Elliot thought absently, but tuned into the conversation anyway.

"Why" Fin and Munch asked at the same time, earning glares from one another.

"It's just ah..." Olivia started, a blush reddening her face. How could she explain to her co-workers, people who considered her their equal, that she was scared to be alone? Feeling the twinge of shame in her gut, Olivia couldn't help but to think of herself as cowardly.

"I get it Olivia. I wanted Elliot to question Jenkins, but he's unconscious right now anyway. And I still don't trust his sister, so he's here for the night." Cragen assured her, hating the look of fear in her eyes.

_What the hell happened to her?_

Shaking loose of his thoughts, he motioned for everyone to follow him out of the room, save Elliot, who took a seat next to his partner's bed.

Once in the hallway, Cragen allowed himself to speak freely.

"I don't care _what _it costs, or **who** you have to go through, you do _whatever_ it takes to bring these bastards to justice. They messed with the wrong detective this time. They messed with the wrong one." Munch and Fin nodded. After their departure, Cragen turned to Casey. "Look, I don't know how far you can go-"

"No...I'm going as far as it takes. You're right Don. They messed with the wrong one this time. Let's get these sons of bitches." Casey said, a dangerous edge to her voice. Nodding, Cragen walked away, with Casey by his side.

* * *

_Oh my. The guys are really angry aren't they? Let's hope Liv turns them around in the next chapter shall we? I'm so happy because the next chapter I'm finally going to bring in the title of the story! Yep-Elliot will get his new nickname. I hope you guys liked this little update, and the next chapter will be more of the E/O stuff because I kinda neglected them this chapter..._


	9. Ace?

_It's been too long and I'm sorry. If anyone is still sticking with this story, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Been gone for while, but I'm back now. Promise. As mentioned last chapter, Elliot will receive his nickname. So uh…enjoysJ_

* * *

Yawning, Olivia chanced a glance in Elliot's direction. Assured he was asleep, she picked up her empty cup and took aim…

"Damn." she cursed when the cup flew way over his head. Stirring, Elliot awoke. Seeing Olivia's look of utter disappointment, he became fully alert.

"What's wrong?" he asked, ready to call in a nurse if need be. Olivia rolled her eyes.

"God El you're such a dork sometimes. Chill out there Ace-I missed a prime opportunity to make your face a destination for my cup." she explained, nodding towards the empty cup. Elliot frowned.

"I'm not a dork." he grumbled, looking at the cup as if it were a suspect he was interrogating. Olivia shrugged.

"Lying under oath-that's perjury." smiling, she gave him a suggestive look. Startled by her obvious advance, Elliot blushed, causing his partner to laugh uncontrollably.

"You-you're too easy!" Olivia gasped out, clutching her sides. Noticing Elliot pouting, she calmed down a little. "Sorry. But you really are too easy." she offered. Elliot rolled his eyes and decided to look on the bright side.

"As long as my Liv is smiling." He admitted, taking her hand in his effortlessly. Olivia froze. It seemed like lifetimes ago that he called her his. She still wasn't so sure she was! Stiffening, she flinched at the pressure in her back. The nurse had already given her medication, and the alternative was the same meds that nearly killed her in the first place. She truly had a dilemma. One she would have to solve quickly, because the pain in her back was getting worse. Elliot noticed, and was near sheer terror when the machine started to beep louder and faster.

_What have I done?_

"Nothing." Olivia said through gritted teeth. "It's not your fault El." Elliot looked at her like she was crazy.

"Sure" he all but snapped. Suddenly, and idea popped into his brain. "Is it pain-or like a Charlie Horse?" he asked.

Olivia shifted uncomfortably. "The-the second one." she managed to get out, feeling like a truck had just rammed into her back. The pain was getting tighter and tighter, what if…Elliot climbing into her bed interrupted her thoughts. Before she could ask what he was doing, gentle hands began to massage her back, starting from her shoulder blades and stopping in the middle. Elliot winced in sympathy.

"Your back isn't used to being stuck in one position so long, so your muscles are cramping." he murmured, his breath warm on her bare skin-causing goosebumps.

"Mmm…k." Olivia slurred out, too busy floating on clouds of pleasure to care what caused the pain. Assured the knot was gone, Elliot ceased his actions. Olivia sighed.

_Don't stop now_

"Better?" Elliot whispered.

His partner couldn't stop the smile. "Perfect." she said dreamily. Elliot laughed.

"Good." After a few minutes of listening to each other breathe, he decided to take a chance. Kicking off his shoes, he wrapped his arms around her, tenderly pulling her close. At her sharp intake of breath he stopped. "You ok?" he asked quietly. After what seemed like forever to him, Olivia grabbed his hand and kissed it. It was such an innocent act that touched Elliot deeply. Pulling her ever closer to fit his form, his ran his free hand through her hair. When, and only when he felt her relax, he leaned his head up a little to kiss her cheek. "My Liv." he whispered to her emotionally, now rubbing her stomach. He kissed her cheek again. "My Liv." he repeated. He wanted her to know he was serious, and he wasn't going anywhere. He felt her grip on his hand-and he knew she was terrified. Of him, of the Jenkins/mystery man situation, and of some other things he definitely planned to drag out of her. He wanted, needed to reassure her. Gently urging her to turn her head towards him, he met her gaze evenly. "My…" he started, leaning in slowly. Somehow he was now positioned on top of her, but made sure she didn't receive any of his weight. Hesitantly, Olivia ran her hand along his face, stopping at his lips. She didn't want him to say anymore. She didn't want to disappoint him. He had no idea what he was getting himself into, the mess he was unknowingly attempting to clean up.

"Liv." It was an ending to his previous statement, and a command for her to meet his eyes. Tentatively, she did as he requested. Elliot's eyes had never looked so expressive before. They were a type of blue she was sure didn't exist. But they did and they were fixated on her. "You mean way too much to me to share. I'm not sharing you Liv."

"But…"

"I want to know everything about you. I want to know what kills you, because it kills me too. I want to know what makes you smile, so when you laugh I can make my day too. I intend to learn all of this Liv. I…I just need you to let me. Trust me." _Again. _

Olivia felt her eyes watering. She did trust him, but how could he possibly understand? She wanted him to on so many levels but how? Talking was just so hard…

As if feeling her struggle, Elliot brushed his lips against hers.

"Shh. It's ok baby." he said, kissing her fully this time. Whimpering, Olivia pulled him closer. She wanted him, she didn't want him to-Elliot broke the kiss for a second. "I'm not going anywhere." he stated, and captured her mouth once more. Tracing the her lips with his tongue, Elliot passively asked for permission to deepen the kiss. Olivia moaned quietly at the gesture, and opened her mouth wider. _Permission granted_. It was Elliot's turn to moan now, he was pretty sure he could become addicted to his partner's taste. If he wasn't already. Feeling the temperature in the room rise by at least ten degrees, he decided to pull back before he lost control of himself. Giving Olivia one last quick kiss, he resumed his earlier position. He had never felt so content by simply holding someone.

"Wow." Olivia said finally.

"Yep." Elliot managed to say in between thoughts. If he didn't know any better, he'd say he was in love. Startled, Elliot took stock of his feeling. Yep. He was in _love_. If he only knew what Olivia was thinking…maybe if he said it first. "Olivia I-" he started, but his nerves got the best of him.

"Yeah?" Olivia said, grabbing hold of his hand again and sighing tiredly. Elliot decided now was not the time.

"Um, Er…_Ace_?" he asked. Olivia laughed.

"What? You've called me Liv how long now? I wanted to return the favor and Ace stuck out." she explained. Elliot was surprised.

"You Olivia Benson," _And soon to be Stabler_, "Surprise the hell out me."

* * *

_I wrote this and even I have to say Aww…Reviews wanted!_


	10. The calm before the storm

_Wow peoples. This chapter is LONG. But good, This makes up for my absence. Time flies, but as promised, I will be updating a lot more frequently. Sorry if the humor seems well-not humor, but I guess I felt silly. You would too 3:30 in the morning. I love insomnia. Anyway-my poetry is back with a vengeance. I can only hope you like it. _

_SvuDayDreamer__-__PaceyW'sgirl__-__FloatingAmoeba__-__modfeminist85__-__MarshMyMellow__-__iconoclasticone__-__Hope06__-__magicaltears__- __xoanna21__...Thank you for letting me know you're still with me. To my silent readers: Thank you for your time. I hope I do not disappoint you. Enjoy!

* * *

_"What's got you in a good mood?" Casey questioned the next morning, offering her friend a donut. Eyeing it with distaste, Olivia nodded a no thanks. Shrugging, Casey took a healthy bite.

"Ew. Seriously though Case?" Olivia moaned a little.

"What? It's a good donut!" Casey defended herself. Turning a little green, Olivia averted her eyes.

"You are really killing my mood Case. Are you finished now?" Casey tossed the donut in the trash.

"I am now…you killed my appetite. So, back to question one. What are you so happy about?" she asked again. Olivia smiled.

"I wrote a poem!" she exclaimed, handing Casey a piece of paper. Lifting an eyebrow, Casey turned her attention to the document in her hand.

_Hold me close, whisper in my ear_

_Tell me that you're always here_

_Wrap your arms around me, secure and strong_

_Reassure me that we'll never go wrong_

_Gentle breathing sending shivers down my spine_

_I'm so lucky to call you mine._

_Good times to come, forgetting the bad_

_I'll no longer be forced to stay mad._

_Hold me close, rock me to sleep_

_Tell me that I'm yours to keep_

_Your heartbeat's my lullaby_

_Stirring up butterflies_

_That I thought had died…_

_Give me a reason to go on_

_Don't make me cry when you're gone_

_Stay by my side_

_Keep turning my frowns into a smile_

_Give me a kiss, say I'm the one_

_Tell me our lives have just begun_

_You're loving me_

_Like we're meant to be._

_You love me? Well sweetie I love you_

_Please believe that's true._

"Whoa." Casey finally managed to speak. Olivia smiled. "I take it this is about Elliot?"

"You take it right Prosecutor. Is it too over the top?"

"Nah. You're in love. You have an excuse."

"So it WAS over the top."

"Maybe. Or I might just be Jealous. No man ever held me close-I'm damn sure of that…are you laughing Olivia?"

"No-I mean yes, but not why you think. It's just-if anybody ever got to know you outside the courtroom…"

"They'd think I was crazy."

"No-FUNNY. My god you're hilarious."

"I'm glad my loneliness tickles you…Stop laughing Liv!"

"You're trying so hard not to laugh I can't help it!"

By the time the nurse came in to check Olivia's blood pressure, Both women were laughing uncontrollably.

* * *

"WHY am I here again?" Elliot asked louder than necessary to Olivia's bustling apartment. Cragen sighed. He was really losing patience with his detective.

"Because Elliot. Munch is at Jenkins' apartment-well his mother's apartment, and Fin is at Jenkins' sister's place. I need you here to-"

"No you _want_ me here to-"

"_I'm _talking Detective. I _**need and want **_you here to help me find more evidence or clues as to whatever the hell happened here last night." Cragen barked, striding past him into Olivia's bedroom. Sighing in pure annoyance, Elliot focused his attention on doing something that wouldn't get him fired. Surveying the living room, he deduced that most of the fighting went on elsewhere. Besides a little broken glass and thrown about stuff, nothing was out of the ordinary. Noticing a few drops of blood, he absently waved a rookie over to take some pictures. Making his way towards the bathroom, he noticed the blood becoming more and more frequent. Once inside the bathroom, he took notice of a once white bath towel now colored a rusty red.

_God how much blood did she lose?_

"Could be Jenkins' blood Elliot. He did get the worst of the beating." Cragen said softly, seeing Elliot's internal struggle.

"Yeah." Elliot nodded, making his way into her bedroom. He vaguely heard Cragen mention something about 'not that bad' and 'after a little cleaning' but all Elliot could hear was the blood rushing to his head and his heart pounding. Olivia's room was complete chaos. There was glass everywhere, her gun lying underneath her bed a bit, books, case files, notes, miscellaneous papers, pictures, and bed covers scattered every which way. Blood also lay spilled on the floor, pooling near a corner of Olivia's dresser.

"That could be where Jenkins lost consciousness." Cragen supplied, trying to avert a potential meltdown.

"Or it could be where he bashed Olivia's head into the dresser, causing her concussion." Elliot said calmly, pointing the scene out for photographing. Cragen crinkled his face in confusion.

"You're awfully calm-"

"I'm just about done here Cap. Can I get back to Liv now?"

* * *

It was late evening by the time Elliot got back to the hospital. For precautionary measures, Cragen ordered Elliot to get a psych evaluation with Huang. After about five minutes, Elliot told Huang he loved Olivia, was going to see Olivia at the hospital, and didn't give a flying fuck what anybody said. He attempted to check up on how Jenkins was doing "I just want him to feel better" was his excuse, but Cragen had ordered two officers to watch his room. Elliot was at the top of the DO NOT ALLOW list, he even beat reporters. Smiling, he called out to Jenkins he'd be back soon for his statement, and proceeded down the hallway.

"Hello nurse Michaels, How's my Liv doing today?" he asked, mood already lightened at the prospect of seeing his partner. Nurse Michaels frowned.

"Mmm…rocky today. The Ibuprofen we have her on is making her queasy. She hasn't eaten all day, won't even try." Elliot frowned too at the news.

"I'm heading to the cafeteria. Call me if anything-and I mean anything happens. Don't tell her I'm here either." he said, walking quickly down the hall. About 15 minutes later, he entered her room quietly carrying soup and crackers.

"Hey." Olivia greeted sadly. Picking up on her tone, Elliot took his seat next to her bed.

"Hey…what's up?" he asked, setting the bag down.

"Nothing…I just got done watching House. Him and Wilson aren't friends anymore." Olivia explained, sniffling a little. Elliot was beyond confused.

"Um-ok. So House is the guy from Supernatural right?" he asked dumbly. Olivia laughed.

"No! Supernatural and House are two different shows. Never mind." she said.

"Oh-ok. I got you some soup-"

"Yuck." Olivia groaned. Elliot rolled his eyes.

"You're worse than kids. Just eat the soup. It's in a to-go cup, so no spoon." Handing her the soup, he looked at her expectantly.

"El stop." His partner whined, pushing the soup away. "Just the smell of that stuff makes me want to barf. I'm NOT eating it." Elliot narrowed his eyes.

"YES-you are."

"Ha. In what lifetime."

"This one. Just eat the soup Olivia." Elliot was beginning to lose his patience.

"You eat it and I'll watch."

"YOU eat it and I'LL watch. I ate already. A cheeseburger in fact-"

"Oh god please shut up."

"Only if you eat that soup."

"Not a chance in hell."

"Eat the damn soup Olivia."

"Make me Elliot."

"What are you five-"

"I wish. No wait-"

"I CAN force you to eat this you know."

"How? By shoving it down my throat? Oh yeah, add third degree burns to my list of injuries. Good going El…"

"LIV. EAT. THE. SOUP. PLEASE." Elliot said through gritted teeth. Rolling her eyes, Olivia looked towards the bag.

"What else did ya get me?" she asked. Taken aback, Elliot pulled out a Gatorade. Olivia gasped.

"I Can't drink that!" she yelled, smacking the bottle away. "It's orange!" Elliot was seething.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me" was all he managed. Seeing that her partner was truly trying, Olivia calmed down a bit.

"Elliot-I hate orange Gatorade. Orange juices that is. If it isn't Orange juice-the kind you drink with breakfast, I just can't have it. Thanks but no thanks. I'll just stick with water. And I'll try the soup. Ok? Truce?" Elliot smiled. He still had a lot to learn from Olivia, but he was a willing student.

"Truce." he agreed. Tentatively taking a sip, Olivia waited for it to go all the way down before taking another sip. Before she knew it, The whole thing was gone.

"Thanks." she flashed him a rare smile, one which he returned. Yawning, Olivia turned the TV on. Flipping through the channels, she squealed with excitement when she stumbled upon '_The Lake House_.'

"El you've gotta watch this with me." she said, scooting over a little for him to climb into the bed. Once both parties were settled, they breathed an almost instant sigh of relief, which they both awkwardly laughed at. For Olivia, she felt so safe, and for Elliot, he felt in control. Nothing could hurt her if _he _was with her. During the commercial break, Elliot voiced a concern.

"We still haven't gotten a formal statement about what happened Liv."

_You still haven't told __**me**__ anything Liv. Open up to me. Trust me. It's killing me to watch you hurt like this. Let me help you breathe._

"I know." Olivia burrowed a little deeper into his chest.

_Can you please just understand that whenever I talk, I feel like there's an invisible noose around my neck that just keeps getting tighter and tighter? I __**can't **__breathe. And talking won't make it any easier. _

"If you don't feel-"

"No El you're right. I'll…give my statement tomorrow. About Everything."

_I'm worthless. And not only will I feel that way, but you'll know it too._

As if the mere thought of giving her statement was exhausting, Olivia felt herself dosing off. She inwardly smiled when she felt Elliot rubbing her back, still engrossed in _'The Lake House."

* * *

_

_Whew! This chapter was a lot longer than I anticipated. I never ever really had a general plot for this story, I just literally sit down and type whatever I find cute, or what I think would be cute. Like today at work, I thought of writing this chapter starting off with Elliot and Olivia waking up together, but It ended up with Casey and Olivia talking stupid. That's how my friends and I talk to each other, so If it sounds corny and stupid sorry. But that's me I guess Lol. If you ever think anyone's OOC, I never meant for them to be IN character because it's too much pressure for me to try and get them perfect. Anyway-thank you for reading I love comments! ~Finsbaby~_


	11. Liv confessed so Elliot's stressed intro

_A/N: Hey guys! Am I getting better at updating? Hope so I really do. Here's a random piece of advice:Us cashiers are people too! And uh, PLEASE PLEASE HAND us the change, not place it on the counter. We hate it. Treat others like you want to be treated! lol don't mind me. Just like liv, I have Ibuprofen impairing my judgement. Cramps suck! lol don't think I'm crazy please I'm just being silly. Anyways, This is a short little intro to the next chapter which will be posted in about 1-3 days. Poem's mine, characters and TV show is not.  


* * *

Leave it alone, let it be_

_My problems aren't for you to see_

_I can handle it all, on my own_

_I can face heartache alone._

_Truthfully drowning, past waist deep _

_Unable to breathe, get any sleep…

* * *

_Taking one quick look around the room, Olivia's gaze plummeted straight to the floor. "I can do this" she reassured herself.

"Olivia? You ready?" Cragen asked, keeping his voice calm, while not seeming overly concerned. Swallowing, Olivia nodded, and Casey turned on the tape recorder. Taking a breath, Olivia began her story.

"I was asleep, don't know how long. Then I heard my lock being picked, so I listened to be sure…"

"Did you hear any voices?" Munch interrupted politely, asking the normal questions.

"Uh-no nothing. Just this scratching noise outside my door. Once I realized someone WAS indeed breaking in, I got up and reached for my gun."

"That's right." Fin added softly, glad when his words resulted in a small smile from his frail coworker. Casey gave her a nod to continue.

"So when I was reaching for my gun, I heard a thud on my roof. I got startled, and that's when Jenkins tackled me to the floor. I shouldn't have gotten distracted." Olivia muttered angrily.

"Not your fault." Elliot snapped harshly, though it was not directed at his partner. Everyone looked at him in surprise, except Olivia who continued as if she hadn't even heard him.

"After we-Jenkins and I hit the floor he started to strangle me, taunting me-"

"What did he say?" Casey asked, keeping her voice professional. Olivia gulped. Really, she knew it was procedure, but repeating what he'd _said _to her? There'd be no coming back from that one. She'd be stripped bare for them to see-_judge_. They wouldn't ask, but the questions would be in their minds, screaming so damn loud to be asked and answered that she wouldn't be able to look them in the eyes. Because once she did, they'd see everything. Would-could she come back from it?

"Olivia?" Huang prompted from the corner of the room. Shooting him a glance that clearly said "Say ONE wrong thing," Elliot sighed.

_I shouldn't have pushed this…_

"I called him a sonuvabitch and he told me not to speak so poorly of his mother. Then he asked how I liked not being able to breathe. I told him I've been through a lot worse, and slipped out of his grip like it was nothing. He got embarrassed, then he slapped me hard in the face. I went flying across the room and hit my head on my nightstand." Everyone cringed at the slap and the revelation of just who had hit the nightstand with such force. Oblivious to their sympathy, Olivia trudged on with her story, eager to finish and just go to sleep to forget the entire ordeal. "…then I called him a motherfucker, jumped on him and punched him in the face as hard as I could. He retaliated by kicking me in the stomach…that hurt so much. He said 'Not so smug now are you bitch?' I was pissed, practically seeing red. I just went all out, kicking, punching, slapping-doing whatever I could to just shut him up. He just kept talking through the blows saying-" Olivia hesitated. Reaching for a cup of water, she swallowed it to quench her thirst, and quite possibly bide some time. Once again all looks of concern were avoided, as Olivia's gaze once again returned to the floor.

"Casey do you need another tape?" Cragen asked, attempting to fill the silence. Casey shook her head no. Realizing Olivia wasn't looking at her, she cleared her throat.

"No. I'm good." she said. Olivia nodded and continued.

"he said…that beating him to death wouldn't make a difference. I would still be a worthless slut with no love life and no family. He said if I died, I'd only have police officers at my funeral. He called me a slut again, and suggested I-what was it? Oh. He suggested I 'Fuck Elliot because he seems to take pity' on me. He said he sees why I'm single, I was turned off because of all the beatings my mother put me through or the bullshit her many boyfriends put me through. Eh who knows. I-I just wanted him to _shut up_. My gun was still on the nightstand, so I grabbed it and put the barrel in him mouth." Olivia paused to take another sip of water nonchalantly, an act not lost on the very surprised and shocked guests in her room.

"Do you want some ice? The water might be a little warm…" Elliot offered, but was waved off.

"Nah. I want to finish the story. Where was I? Oh yea. I was about to blow the fuckers head off. So I was about to pull the trigger then I saw this-look in his eyes. He _wanted _me to kill him. I realized he wanted to be remembered in the worst way possible. And I wasn't going to be part of that. I tossed my gun aside and got up to clean up in the bathroom. Didn't realize I was bleeding all over the damn place. Ruined a brand new towel."

"That towel could have saved your life. If you hadn't slowed down the bleeding-"

"Whatever. Tomato Tomahto potato potahto. Anyway, I started getting really sleepy so that's when I walked into the living room and picked up my phone to call in the attack. I guess I passed out after that." Everyone sat in stunned silence, save Olivia who had laid back down and closed her eyes.

* * *

A/N: Disturbed people? I'm sorry If you are. I'm sure Cragen and Co are disturbed. Now Olivia may be totally OOC, but I aimed for it this time Lol. It'll be explained in the next chapter. I love you reviewers! Have a good day!


	12. Olivia confessed so Elliot's stressed

_A/N: I know I promised 1-3 days guys. All I can say to that is Shit happens. A LOT of shit happens. Anyway I'm sorry if I let any of you down. Too much sometimes. Life is just crazy. Anyway, here is chapter 12. The song is not mine, I mention the singer in the chapter. I recommend listening to the song, not for this story but just in general. I love it, reminds me of someone: )__I forgot to mention it, but Jenkins did pass out after Liv took the gun out of his mouth. Very sad chapter Imo, but hey. Enjoy my lovely readers!

* * *

_(2 hours after Olivia's statement)

Three seasoned detectives, their captain, and a prosecutor were sitting in a hospital waiting room in shock. Too absorbed in what had taken place two hours ago, none were up to speaking. Glancing warily at Elliot for a second, Huang sat down in a chair in a far corner.

"Rough huh?" He questioned gently, earning half hearted nods from the 16th Precinct.

"He broke her…that bastard broke her." Casey said, voice thick with emotion. All eyes flew to Huang, silently begging him to tell them Casey was wrong about their friend. For once it seemed, he did not disappoint them.

"No, he didn't." Everyone visibly relaxed. "Olivia was not 'broken' by Jenkins. He-" everyone held a breath. "he could not break what has already been broken."

"What do you mean?" Munch spoke up, asking what everyone else was afraid to.

"What just happened in there, HOW Olivia described her attack, was not PTSD. It was more or less Intellectualization-"

"Which is?" Cragen cut in. Huang tried to explain it in simple terms.

"It's a defense mechanism. Around level three defense mechanism. It's basically a thought process which reduces anxiety by thinking about events in a cold clinical way. She basically just takes all of her emotions out of explaining something so traumatic and stressful and talks about them as if she were talking about buying some new lip gloss. It is to protect herself from feeling shame. She doesn't want to be hurt by any of this. And judging by how fast she reverted to it, she's had some experience disassociating herself. Perhaps what Jenkins said about her past wasn't completely untrue. Either way, I say to just let her have some time to gather her thoughts. She should be okay in a couple of days." Fin breathed a sigh of relief.

"Finally some good news." he said. Munch nodded. All conversation stopped as Nurse Jenkins approached Olivia's room.

* * *

(2 hours, 45 minutes after Olivia's statement)

"You're being discharged?!" Munch, Cragen, and Fin exclaimed in shock.

"You're staying with Casey?" Elliot squeaked in disbelief.

"You're staying with ME?" Casey squealed in pure delight. "Slumber party!" Olivia smiled. Elliot noticed, and decided to let it go. His coworkers did not.

"Olivia, you've just been attacked. You were-ARE seriously injured and asking to be released?" Cragen asked. Olivia nodded.

"I've been here long enough. The doctor-who wasn't Nurse Jenkins by the way," she added when she saw them getting more arguments ready about the nurse…"said I didn't need to be here anymore. I can rest comfortably at home. Seeing as how my home is a crime scene I'll be staying at Casey's. I can't be baby sat forever. I'd much rather recover in a stable environment than recover with my attacker sleeping a few rooms over and possibly another attacker on the loose. I'll be fine." she reassured them. All eyes swung to Elliot, expecting him to put up a fight. Instead, he smiled.

"Okay Liv. If you think it'll be easier on you." He said, earning glares from everyone except the two women.

_Why aren't you pushing this El? _A part of Olivia asked, but quickly dismissed it, glad to be done confessing for the day. Little did she know, _everyone_ was wondering why Elliot hadn't pushed it, or even suggest that she stay with him.

"Good it's settled. So uh where you guys headed?" Casey asked, sensing some building tension.

"Back to the station. Get some paperwork done." Cragen answered, motioning to his squad it was time to leave. Walking over to Olivia, Elliot gave her a lopsided smile.

"You-you call me if you need anything. I mean anything." He said, and followed Cragen, Munch and Fin out. Once the men were gone, Casey turned to Olivia.

"We are going to have a BLAST." she said. Olivia laughed a little for the first time that day.

"I was kind of counting on that." she said.

* * *

(In the parking Lot)

"Good fucking going Elliot. We were counting on you to make her stay." Munch snapped in frustration.

"Calm down John. It ain't his fault." Fin said irritably. Cragen sighed, expecting the men to let loose some issues once out of Olivia's sight.

"Guys-" he started, but no one heard him this time. Too much had happened, and was hitting close to home to ignore.

"A simple 'no Olivia stay just a few more nights' couldn't cross your anger management needing mind? Huh?!" Munch kept on yelling.

"John Stop!" Fin snapped, hoping using his partner's first name would calm the man down.

"No! Stabler excels at control, hell he disobeys authority enough to prove it! The one time your control was wanted-needed…you. Did. Nothing. And-"

"DETECTIVE MUNCH!" Cragen roared. Munch cut his tirade short immediately, but still gazed furiously at Elliot. Everyone turned to look at the mentioned detective, whose eyes remained fixed on the ground. Looking up, all one could see was emptiness and self pity.

"Elliot"

"Don't Cap. Just…don't." Elliot said quietly. Walking up to Munch, he half considered punching the man in the face. "Go to hell Munch. I love her. You know that. And-" Elliot paused as a rogue tear fell down his face. "I know I failed her. God…don't you think I know that? I know-" Elliot started to tremble as the realization tumbled down on him. Cragen attempted to speak, but not even one of his pep talks could save Elliot now. "Captain, you know me. And you know full well what I'm capable of." Elliot's voice was barely above a broken whisper. "I can't-I _won't_ do this anymore. I'm done." Pulling out his badge and his gun, he thrust them into Cragen's hands. Not even glancing back as he walked away, Elliot got into his car and sped off.

* * *

(6 hours after Olivia's statement)

RIIINNG! RIIINNG! Checking to make sure it wasn't Olivia, Elliot rejected the call once again. Taking a small sip from his glass of scotch, he made a mental note not to drink too much. The last thing his partner needed was another drunk in her life he thought. Suddenly filled with self disgust, he let his glass fall onto the floor watching only with mild interest as it shattered. Hearing a noise, he chuckled when he realized that it was his daughter's radio playing in the kitchen.

"She must have left it on while getting ready for school" he muttered to no one in particular. Groaning with fatigue, Elliot made his way downstairs.

"And that was Simple plan with 'Welcome to my life' on 90.3" An annoying DJ announced, going into a long pitch of how people should buy some type of dental floss.

"No commercials my ass." Elliot grumbled, once again pushing 'reject' on his cell phone.

"Now onto our number one requested song of the hour! 'A day to be alone' by 'One Less Reason!' Enjoy folks!"

_She said I wonder when it'll be my day_

_'Cause I'm not too far from breaking down…_

Elliot cocked his head to the side in genuine curiosity.

_And all I've got are screams inside_

_But somehow they come out in a smile_

_And I'm wondering if I'll always feel this way, this way…_

Oh yeah. He was definitely listening to this he thought, laying back on the couch in the living room.

_Tell me about those nights you stayed awake_

_Tell me about those days you hated me_

_Tell me how you'd rather die alone_

_Than being stuck here with me…_

He was pathetic. How many times did-does his partner-his everything have to suffer because of him? Jenkins, Dani, Hendricks, Going back to Kathy…when would he stop hurting her?

_And maybe you've fallen down_

_And maybe you just took the long way home_

_But baby you could never love you … like me_

And he did love her. So much.

_And one day this will fade away_

_In the mirror you'll see a smiling face_

_And standing next to you will always be me, will be me…_

If love conquered all, it was having a funny way of showing it.

_One day you're gonna see things my way_

Elliot snickered at that. Olivia was a strong minded woman, she saw what she believed and felt. And she rarely ever saw things his way.

_You gave me so much room that I can't breathe _

She surely did. And now he was choking on the distance that separated them. How did things get so fucked up?

_When all I've got are pictures to view_

_There was nothing before it all started with you_

_For some reason it's supposed to be that way, that way_

It might not have started with Olivia, but he wanted it to end with her. He wanted to laugh with her, cry with her, sleep next to her, _breathe_ with her…for this woman there was no limits. She was all he could and _wanted_ to see.

_Tell me about those nights you stayed awake_

_Tell me about those days you hated me_

_Tell me how you'd rather die alone_

_Than being stuck here with me_

Tears sprang into Elliot's eyes. So much, they'd been through so much…

_And maybe you've fallen down_

_And maybe you just took the long way home_

_But baby you could never love you…like me_

_And one day this will fade away_

_In the mirror you'll see a smiling face_

_And standing next to you will always be me, yeah me_

Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

_If I could shrink it down and put it in your hands_

_We made it hurt so much, I can't forget the past_

And neither could she. That much he was sure of.

_Just tell me what to say, show me what to do_

_Then I can forgive me and I would forgive you…_

Elliot was openly crying now, letting loose deep sobs that seemed to flow from the depths of his very soul. It was almost as if he were crying over every mishap or injustice that had happened in his entire life.

_Tell me about those nights you stayed awake_

_Tell me about those days you hated me_

_Tell me how you'd rather die alone_

_Than being stuck here with me!_

The song played on, and Elliot cried on, sobs never subsiding.

_And maybe you've fallen down_

_And maybe you just took the long way home_

_But baby you will never love you…like me_

He loved her. That had to mean something right?

_And one day this will fade away_

_In the mirror you'll see a smiling face…_

So many people told Olivia they loved her. And in light of recent revelations, it seemed like they did more harm than help. He was different. He would prove to her he was different. And sometimes-sometimes people built walls not to keep everyone out, but to see who loved them enough to climb over them.

"I will Livia. I will." Elliot vowed, picking up his cell phone and dialing Cragen.

"Elliot. Thank god." Cragen answered into the phone, not even hiding his concern. "Are you-"

"I'm okay Captain." Elliot assured him, tears still streaking down his face. Sniffling a little, he got down to business. "I'm sorry about earlier. Is it okay if I come in tomorrow? If I still have a job?"

Cragen smiled. "Like I was going to let you quit anyway. You don't quit until I fire you. Got it?" he asked, leaving some words unspoken. Elliot got it loud and clear: Cragen had faith in him. He'd let him know when it was time to feel sorry for himself.

"Got it." Hanging up the phone, Elliot settled back onto the couch for some deep soul searching and some light sleep. The real work began tomorrow.

_And standing next to you will always be me_

_You know will always be me_

_And I will wait, always be me, yeah_

_Till I see your smiling…face.

* * *

_

_A/N: I had to smile at the ending. It just fit. The wall thing was a quote I often tell my best friend. I heard it somewhere, and thought it fit the story. For some reason I felt like putting in a timeline after Olivia's statement. It won't be in the next chapter, time's not important in this story. I've been a site member since 06' (WOW) but I don't know the lingo lol if it's called that. AU? Is that Alternate Universe? Like outside of the seasons or something? Um I guess you can call this story that, although it's pretty much up to date. I mention Elliot going back to Kathy, so at least last season? I'm confused. AU it is guys. Olivia will be calling Elliot Ace soon, it's not just a one time nickname. I just gotta find the right niche for it. If this story is too long for you guys, let me know: should I wrap it up in a few chapters, or keep writing? I personally want to keep going but some readers like short stories. Let me know please. Oh and I've apparently been C2ed? That's a community right? Thank you so much! It's an honor. Thank you for reading! Next chapter will be put up soon-hopefully._


	13. Trying to be ok when it ISN'T okay

Stretching and yawning, Olivia quickly scanned her surroundings.

"Oh yeah. Casey's." She concluded with a sigh of relief. "One night of hell and a few days in the hospital must have really screwed with my mind…" Noticing a piece of paper taped to the dresser, she gave it a cursory scan.

_Olivvie. Yeah I can call you that. Went to work early to get some warrants straightened out. Be back later. Call Cragen or whoever if you have to. Cold pizza in the fridge. We'll go shopping later: ) Feel better have a good day. _

_PS-you snore. Badly. -Case_

"Can't wait to ask her smart ass how the hell she heard me from the spare bedroom." Olivia laughed, pulling out her cell phone. Before she could dial, her phone beeped.

**Liv, I don't know how you'll respond to this, but I'm on my way over. Cragen assigned me as your 'bodyguard' because he thinks the other guy may still be out there, if one exists. Still waiting on the Forensic reports. I won't watch you all day, just a few hours before the next shift comes in to take over. If you don't want me around, I'll just hang out in the living room. Your call. -El**

Olivia sighed.

"What ELSE can go wrong!" she yelled at the ceiling. After a few minutes of silence, she spoke again. "Never mind. Every time someone asks that out loud something worse DOES happen. It's good, I'll live." Realizing she looked like hell, she rushed to the bathroom to 'clean up' although that turned into a shower and a new outfit. By the time Elliot knocked on the door, Olivia was decked out in Betty Boop pajamas. Opening the door, she breathed a sigh of relief when she observed Elliot casually dressed in jeans and a black tee.

"Hey." he greeted, tension written all over his face. Olivia smiled.

"Hey. Guess I won't be bored for awhile." she said, hoping her voice didn't betray how nervous she was feeling. It'd been awhile since they'd been alone, and now that they were, what would be said was anyone's guess. Elliot cocked his head to the side, as if he sensed something was amiss.

Olivia held her breath…

"Well aren't you going to invite me in?" he asked, smirking. Olivia relaxed. This would be okay. Walking directly over to the couch, Elliot made himself comfortable. Sitting beside him, Olivia fought the urge not to lean on her partner.

_Keep it in check Benson…_

"So how are you doing?" Elliot questioned sincerely.

_Shitty. _"Fine." Olivia lied sincerely.

_Bullshit Benson, you know I know you better than that. _"Really?"

_Damn. Forgot who I was talking too… _"Yeah. It's rough, but life's not easy. You just gotta keep moving."

_That's better. _"You're right about that."

_Like you know what the hell I'm talking about. Marriage problems don't count lover boy. _"Yeah."

_A smile can hide so many things I dare you to dispute my call…Liv, Liv, Liv. You're insulting my intelligence. I can tell what the fuck you're thinking, hell your eyes say it all. I may not know much about you, but trust and believe me sweet baby that there's a ton of shit you don't know about me either. _"So…"

"So." _Come on Benson! Pull it together-again!_

"Nothing new at all?" _JUST TELL ME!_

_When life gives you lemons, make orange juice. _"You have nice eyes."

_Well that was totally fucking random. _"Thank you."

"You're welcome." _Jeez you're like a drug. Are you wearing Axe? I've gotta bail. _Without a word, Olivia stood up from the couch and made her way into the guest bedroom, where she instantly flopped onto the bed. To her credit, she was not surprised to see Elliot storm in after her.

"OLIVIA. WHAT THE-" he started, but cut his speech short when he met her eyes, reading the plea crystal clear.

_Look. It's Been a bullshit of a week and for real man, I'm really not up to it. I promise to talk. PROMISE. Maybe not today, or next week-okay we'll talk. Just…not now. I'm tired, very sore, and hungry. Can't keep anything down because the ibuprofen makes me want to hurl after it wears off, just to be simple: I'm plain fucking Miserable. Like, Greg House miserable. All I want is a nice day spent in your arms. Can I get THAT?_

"Of course you can Liv. Always." Elliot whispered softly, scooping her into his arms. Instantly curling up to him, Olivia breathed a little easier.

"I spoke that last bit out loud didn't I?" she asked sheepishly. Elliot chuckled, causing her body to tingle.

"Maybe…or maybe I know you better than you think." he answered, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. Needless to say, Olivia Benson felt well rested in her partner's arms.

* * *

_UGH…SO sorry for the delay guys. I'm not using my computer anymore and I could really use some advice? My old computer has a virus and at least 2 Trojans. No idea on how to get rid of them I have MacAfee or however you spell it, but the computer constantly says My computer has no virus or malware protection. I'm scared out of my wits! I have no idea what's going on! HELP! (If you can) oh and um-LOL-please review. My cousin let me use her laptop for an hour and my time is up. Wow, wrote this chapter in one hour?! Sorry for any mistakes then!_


	14. Temporary setback?

If there are any typos it IS 4am sooo...lol please point them out and they will be fixed!-Finsbaby

* * *

She couldn't move. And that damned clock was driving her crazy.

"So much for rest helps the healing process. I rest and my body cramps up." Olivia muttered. Sighing, she glanced up at her temporary blanket. Elliot, completely unaware of Olivia's predicament, slept soundly with his arms wrapped around her. "Bastard. I'm glad ONE of us is comfy..." She'd fallen asleep first, and apparently he needed the rest just as bad as she did, because he was out like a light. Now she was in pain, body cramping from the position. On top of that, the ticking of her clock was driving her crazy.

"Liv..." Elliot whispered dreamily, and returned to the land of slumber. Olivia sighed. Suddenly, a slight scratching noise sounded at the door.

_The lock is being picked!_

Olivia whimpered. Elliot stirred. "El..EL..." A crystal blue eye opened to gaze at her in alarm. He knew that voice: fear and panic.

"What's-" he started, but paused as he heard the scratching noise. Hopping up, he snatched his gun off of the nightstand. "Sonuvabitch." he growled, mostly in anger at himself.

_Good going Stabler. You damn near slept through this. Then where would she be? _

Shaking loose his thoughts, he aimed his weapon at the door. Wrenching it open, he pressed down on the trigger.

"Wait! It's me-De'Angelo. It's 4pm, time to change shifts" the uniform pleaded, face white as a sheet. Elliot grit his teeth.

"Why the hell were you trying to pick the lock then?" he shouted.

"I knocked, and there was no answer so I assumed Benson was in trouble. I meant no harm sir really." The rookie babbled. Elliot rolled his eyes. He wasn't in the mood for this. It'd look really bad if this got reported to Cragen. Sleeping on the job-literally, wouldn't be tolerated, not even by his standards.

"Whatever. Erm I mean, good instincts. Everything's fine here." he explained, trying to sound as casual as possible. Truthfully, his heart was pounding in his ears. Olivia had scared the hell out of him...Olivia! In the rush of adrenaline, he'd forgotten all about her!

_In...and out. IN...and OUT. Come on Benson_. **_Breathe_**. Olivia coached herself. Upon hearing footsteps, her panic grew. Jenkins was coming for her...

Upon their entering the room, Olivia began to hyperventilate.

"Can't breathe...can't breathe..." she rasped. De'Angelo rushed towards her, but Elliot pushed him away.

"Don't touch her." he warned, voice dangerously low. The message was clear: he wouldn't warn him again. De'Angelo's face morphed into suspicion.

"You said everything was okay."

"It was. She was asleep..." he stuttered, at a loss as to what the hell was happening.

_What the hell did I sleep through?_

Olivia meanwhile, had problems of her own. She was starting to see spots. And no matter how much she breathed in, the air was just not reaching her lungs it seemed.

_Hey El? Um I can't breathe. And my heart feels like it might explode from beating so fast. And hard. Did I mention I can't breathe?_

Her internal monologue stopped when her hands began to shake.

Elliot was quickly pulled from his own thoughts when Olivia grabbed at his shirt.

"El-El..." she was borderline pleading. And her lips were beginning to dull in color. _I'm gonna die. Or my heart is going to explode and I die. Either way I'm dead._

"Call a bus!" Elliot barked, but De'Angelo stepped forward.

"She's having an anxiety attack. She just needs to calm down. Benson? Listen, everything will be okay, I just need you to calm down. Breathe..." he instructed calmly. Olivia looked to Elliot with wild eyes.

_Easy for him to fucking say! His heart's not on speeeeed!_

"Like she knows what the fuck you're saying" he snapped, and scooped her into his arms. "Babe. Livia." He whispered into her ear. He felt her lean a little into his embrace, which encouraged him. "Listen to me, focus on me. I kind of need you to breathe right now, because if you stop breathing, so do I." he explained softly. Olivia exhaled a little.

"It's working!" De'Angelo cheered.

"And I know that sounds corny, but it's true. I need you to breathe baby. Lean on me, we're all that matters right now. My Liv-mine. Ssh it's okay. You and me against the world always. Always." Elliot soothed, not even knowing what he was saying but knowing he meant every word of it, and that Olivia just needed to fucking _breathe_. Rocking her back and forth, Elliot prayed for this ordeal to end. Suddenly, Olivia stiffened and sat straight up.

"I'm gonna-" she started, and with perfect reflexes De'Angelo tossed Elliot the trashcan. Retching while struggling to breathe, Olivia began to tremble and sink back. Holding her upright, Elliot instructed De'Angelo to grab a basin filled with warm water and a washcloth, a bottled water, and some more painkillers.

"I got ya. I got ya Livia." Elliot relayed into her ear, giving her a quick kiss on her temple and smoothing her hair.

"Oh _god_, my back...my side, everything." Olivia sniffled. De'Angelo returned with the basin and water. "I've got it El thanks." she said, shooing Elliot off of her bed. Once she was washed up, De'Angelo took the basin and returned with the water and ibruprfen.

"You okay?" The rookie asked. Olivia nodded.

"Thank you" was all she said before she covered herself with her blanket and curled up into a ball facing the wall. Elliot picked up the wastebasket and motioned for De'Angelo to follow him into the living room.

"Call Huang and tell him to get over here NOW. Until this is sorted out, Cragen won't be notified. Got that?" Elliot asked. De'Angelo nodded and pulled out his cell phone. In the guest bedroom, this time it was tears that would put Olivia to sleep.

* * *

_please review, old readers and new:-) I could totally write a story about what I've gone through with computers in this last year, but eh. To each his own. Feels good to be back! btw, I base Olivia's anxiety attack from my own experiences so don't flame saying "that's not accurate" please...have a good day and thanks for reading! -playing back in black-  
_


	15. It's all coming back to me now

Note from Finsbaby: Very very short chapter, I had to in order to set up the action and suspense to come! Olivia is sleeping a lot, but based from experience my panic attacks leave me wiped OUT. She will be awake next chapter I promise:-)

* * *

She knew it was probably best to answer him, humor him. Let him know she was quite sane. She knew that her stony silence wouldn't help her case to remain outside of a room with rubber walls. She just didn't care. In fact no words could describe how much she didn't give a damn. Which was why while Huang questioned her, Olivia's gaze remained fixed to the ceiling. The only sign Huang got that she was lucid, were the tears that squeezed their way free every few minutes.

"Olivia?"

_Huang._

"I know this is hard..."

_You don't know shit._

"Shutting me out isn't the solution."

_I half hope Elliot comes in here to beat your ass._

"Could you at least give me an indication that you hear me?"

Olivia grit her teeth.

"Okay. Thank you Olivia. I'm going to come back later, when you feel a little better."

_I won't be talking to you then either._

Olivia remained in her current position, ignoring Huang's exit. Once he hit the hallway, he ran right into Elliot.

"Well?" her partner demanded. Huang sighed.

"Well what Elliot. She's not responding to anything I say. She's completely shut herself down. She needs time and a hell of a lot of rest." he explained. Elliot nodded.

"Not a word to Cragen." he growled. He'd already thrown De'Angelo out with strict and well placed threats to keep his mouth shut. The last thing Olivia needed was more concern thrown her way. She just wanted to be left alone, he knew that much.

"Elliot, you happen to forget the small fact that I don't work for you. At the most Cragen will agree with me: she needs rest. I'm telling him." Huang retorted shortly, letting himself out of the apartment. Sighing, Elliot locked up and shot an uneasy glance towards Olivia's room. For once he was at a loss as to help ease his partner's pain.

Not so far away, Olivia kept up her watch of Casey's ceiling.

_I haven't had a panic attack that bad since...high school. Forgot how much they take out of me. So damn tired..._

Slowly the door opened. Olivia didn't flinch.

"Liv?" A gentle voice breathed. Full of concern, of love.

Elliot. Aware she still wasn't verbally communicating, Olivia turned her back to him. Message clear: go away. Gaze now firmly locked on the nightstand, she felt a dip in the bed. Felt a strong arm rest on her hip.

"Liv." Elliot repeated, voice full of fear, of pain.

_Why is he so upset?_

"Olivia..." the arm trembled, the voice broke.

_He's scared. For me. Hurting...for me_. This realization hit Olivia harder than any blow could. Her vision swam with impending tears. He cared, he really cared. And for a split second Olivia asked herself when did she forget that obvious fact?

_It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now..._

She uttered a sob that was meant to be his name, and Elliot pulled her closer, running his hands through her hair in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. Whose tears, he couldn't tell you.

"I'm here sweetheart. Ssh..." he assured her, kissing her temples, her cheeks, pausing for a few warm kisses on the lips. Olivia trembled.

_When you touch me like this, and you hold me like that, it's so hard to believe but it's all coming back to me..._

She couldn't speak, the only language she knew at this moment was touch. Leaning her forehead against his, she allowed her tears to fall, a man made rainstorm Elliot readily weathered. Scooping Olivia more securely into his arms, he whispered promises that he intended to keep into her ear. Within minutes, Olivia was asleep.

_I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now...

* * *

_

He missed his chance to kill her. He was so close, yet so damned far. Still, Elliot and Huang were too much of a hassle to get his knife dirty. He'd just earn their trust and when the timing was right...his cousin's problems were solved. De'Angelo laughed. This was so easy it was sad.

* * *

I'm very disappointed in myself for how long it has taken me to update and finish my stories. But I know I'm trying my best, so no use stressing over it...thank you for reading more chapters in the works! The quotes of it coming back to Olivia is snippets of Celine Dion's song "Its all coming back to me now" I was listening to it non stop writing this chapter and thought it would be too cute if I added a line or two in. I own nothing but a mean steak of insomnia...

A/N#2: It is highly unlikely that Olivia would forget how much Elliot cares. When you have a panic attack, all you do is FEEL. The fear, the tightening of your chest, how light headed you get...what others feel for you is the furthest thing from your mind because all you know is you can't freaking _breathe._ There's no time to think, it's almost irrational to. Afterward, I can't really describe just how tired you feel. Just imagine swimming for hours and hours, you just took a shower and now you are laying in bed. It's like the fatigue creeps into your _soul_. You don't want to discuss it, you just want to get yourself together. This might be my experience only, but that's Olivia's also in this chapter. In case there is any confusion lol. Thank you for reading!


	16. fluff

_**I can't believe it's been two years since updating. I'm sorry for that. I no longer have a computer, in fact I typed this all up on my cell phone. Thank you Android lol. All my stuff will now be typed up like this now. It's a bitch to do, with the stupid auto correct it takes forever. But I want to finish this, and I wanted to let you guys know I haven't forgotten about my stories. I literally had no way to write them. MIND the rating in this chapter, things heat up with Olivia and Elliot in this chapter. I'm so nervous posting this, I'm not good at semi love scenes. Reviews are welcome to help me become a better writer!**_

* * *

All she wanted to do was forget the last couple of days. Go back to the day of the football game. Everything was going great. She and Elliot were getting along better than they ever had, she was smiling more than she'd ever had. For the first time she was happy.

_Look at me now_ she sniffled bitterly, then softened up a bit when she felt Elliot tighten his hold on her.

"Shh..." He mumbled, almost absentmindedly as he ran his fingers through her hair. Other than getting up to wash up and brush her teeth, she remained in bed, with Elliot refusing to leave her alone. Not that Olivia was complaining.

_If this whole Jenkins mess hadn't happened we wouldn't have gotten this close._ She mused. _Perhaps I should look on the bright side..._

Oblivious to his partners thoughts, Elliot decided that he'd had enough silence. "Hey..." He prodded. "Talk to me." Olivia pressed closer to him.

"About what?" She whispered.

_Everything._ "Anything." Elliot returned, using the hand that wasn't in her hair to rub her back.

Olivia sighed, warm breath on his neck causing him to suppress a shiver. "Okay...I used to love it when we'd do interviews and people would assume we were a couple."

Elliot raised a brow. This was definitely news to him. "Really?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound too excited or surprised. Olivia began to laugh and he knew he was busted.

"Yeah really. I always thought I was crazy to think you might like me, or us being together was so...right. But when complete strangers would mistake us as a couple, I'd think I HAVE to be on to something, if others saw it too."

"You know what I used to like?" Elliot asked, too caught up in the moment to remember what he was originally pushing Olivia to talk about. "I loved it when Cragen would put us together undercover as a married couple. God did I love it." He confessed. Olivia fought to keep her jaw from dropping.

"Seriously?" She squeaked, poking Elliot in the chest when he laughed.

"Seriously." Elliot confirmed, voice lowering. "I got to flirt with you, look at your body like a husband instead of a partner, and...I got to call you mine." Feeling Olivia shiver again, he pulled the blanket over them.

_He thinks I'm cold. That's not why I'm shivering at all..._

"That whole thing in the bar? When I asked you how you were doing? I knew it!" Olivia exclaimed, keeping the conversation light to distract her body from reacting to the possessive tone of Elliot's voice.

"Oh hell yeah," he admitted with a dark chuckle. "I meant what I said too." Kissing her temple he grinned. _I could hold you like this forever don't you know?_

_I need to be in your arms more than you could ever know..._shaking herself mentally, Olivia grinned too. "You're a man of many layers Stabler." Too many layers of clothing currently...

Laughing quietly, Elliot settled her underneath him. "Hey, I've got to be a little mysterious. I can't have you losing interest because I'm boring." I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. It's hard to focus with your body underneath me...

Feeling heat rise to her cheeks, Olivia smiled. Reaching up with a slight wince, she stroked Elliot's cheek. "Never. You could never bore me. You've been my sanctuary more times than you know." A look of pure affection settled on Elliot's face. Eyes bright, vision a little blurred, he mirrored his partners gesture.

"Mine too." he whispered, running his thumb over her lips. Mindful of her ribs, he gently leaned down for a kiss.

_You really don't know what you do to me..._

Nipping gently at his bottom lip, Olivia pulled him closer. She knew he was being careful, and that made her love him even more. Opening her mouth slightly, she settled into the kiss. Moaning at the invitation, Elliot accepted and deftly inserted his tongue into the moist cavern he craved to explore. She had a taste to her that was hard to name, flavors awakening an inner beast that was impossible to tame. Like lemonade on a summer day, thunderstorms to end a heat wave, like a bowl of soup on the coldest night of the year, and like a hug to ease his tears. It was...it was home. She was home.

_My sanctuary..._

Breaking away to breathe, Elliot nearly choked at the sight that greeted him. Eyes half closed, pupils dilated, Olivia looked up at him with pure lust. But there was something else, something she most likely wasn't aware she was showing.

Love.

He wanted nothing more than to show her how much she meant to him. He wanted to make love to her so bad it ached. He didn't know how much longer he could control himself, especially with her looking at him the way she was...

Leaning forward so their foreheads touched, he began to kiss her tenderly. Then he felt hands under his shirt, and being tender flew out the window.

Olivia was at a loss. One minute they were talking, the next she was sucking on her partners tongue. But it wasn't enough. She wanted more, she needed more. Slipping her hands under his shirt, she began to explore the well toned body above her. That was her plan anyway. Hissing quietly, Elliot broke the kiss and moved his hips forward gently, earning a drawn out moan from her. He moved gently against her again, and she threw her head back with a shiver. Leaving her neck open to his advances.

_The little things you do set me off..._

Seeing an opportunity, Elliot began to nip and suck the exposed flesh. Gasping, Olivia dug her nails into his back which resulted in him thrusting against her with much more force.

Things were heating up now, and she felt like she couldn't breathe. I hope it's not my ribs she thought idly, but then Elliot thrust against her again and coherent packed its bags and left.

"El..." She breathed, clutching his shoulders tighter as she began to move with him as well.

"Liv..." Elliot mumbled, still marking up her neck. He couldn't get enough of her taste, her scent. He knew they had to stop, he knew if they kept going neither would be able to control themselves. But then her legs wrapped around him and she began to moan his name quietly.

_I need you more than the air I breathe..._

She could feel him trembling against her, whether it was from holding back or arousal she didn't know. Perhaps both. She just knew she was burning up from the inside out, and what he was giving her wasn't enough. She wanted more. She wanted him inside...

"I know baby, I know...me too." Elliot moaned, capturing her mouth in a rough kiss. Olivia realized she'd spoken the last thought out loud.

"Please." She whispered, breaths coming out in short gasps. Growling, Elliot broke away for air and resumed nipping her neck.  
You're all I ever wanted, all I'll ever need

"Liv...so beautiful. Mine..."

_My sanctuary._

With each thrust she felt their control slipping and she didn't care. Pulling him into another scorching kiss, she felt his control snap. Reaching for his pants-

"Hi you've reached Casey please leave a message at the beep." A beep sounded and a familiar voice filled the apartment. When the hell was the phone ringing?

"Liv it's me, and my day sucked. I'm leaving the office now...I should be there in about forty-five minutes and we can go grocery shopping. We're getting drunk too. Yeah yeah I know you can't drink with the pain meds but you damn well better drink some KoolAid and pretend it's tequila. Kay. It's settled. See you in about forty-five." The machine clicked off. Elliot laid his head on Olivia's shoulder, humming his thanks when she wrapped her arms around him in sympathy.

* * *

"Then what happened?" Casey asked, pushing a cart through the entrance of a twenty-four hour grocery store.

"He got up and sat in the living room while I took a shower, then we watched the news until you showed up. He's most likely home by now." Olivia sighed. Casey whistled.

"Wow. _Awkward_." She said, stopping to pick up an oddly shaped fruit.

"Do you even know what that is?" Olivia questioned with a raised brow. Casey shook her head.

"Nope. But I like a challenge." She grinned. It was Olivia's turn to shake her head as she watched Casey pick out more strange items. Suddenly the ada spun around to eye her warily.

"Care to share with the class Casey?" Olivia asked in amusement. When her friend got on a roll...

"Did you guys sleep together?"

Olivia blushed. "I told you we didn't. Keep your voice down!" she hissed, looking around to see if they had an audience.

"Just double checking. So he really didn't say anything?" Casey pressed, ignoring their surroundings completely. She knew there was more to the story, and she wanted the details.

Olivia blushed again. "He said...he said it was probably for the best, because he wanted to make love to me in my own bed not yours." She confessed, stuttering a little.

"And what's wrong with my bed exactly? I'll have you know that bed has seen many a good fu-"

"_Casey_!" Olivia exclaimed, silencing her as a shocked old lady walked past them. With a huff, she glared at them and went into the next aisle. Beyond embarrassed, Olivia leaned into the cart to hide her face. Casey's voice drifted over to her...

"Oh please. Granny over there shouldn't even act offended. As old as she looks she probably invented sex."

Despite the pain it caused, Olivia laughed harder than she had in days. Once they got into the checkout line, Casey seemed to grow serious.

"What is it Casey?" She whispered in worry.

"I'm sorry Olivia." Casey apologized. Pulling out her credit card she grinned. "I didn't mean to cock block you!"

* * *

_**End chapter. Hope you guys liked it. I blushed writing that whole bedroom scene lol...and to confess...I LOVE writing Casey. I have a friend that acts just like her. It's hilarious.**_


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